# "You just might be a beekeeper."



## squarepeg (Jul 9, 2010)

......if your wife suspects you of cyber cheating because you are glued to your laptop on beesource.


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## mike haney (Feb 9, 2007)

.....if the only McDonalds toys you kept were from the "Bee Movie".....


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## Daniel Y (Sep 12, 2011)

If your wife is in the habit of slapping you the moment you walk in the door and can get away with the excuse. "You had a bee on you".


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## Dave Burrup (Jul 22, 2008)

If all you want for Christmas are bee supplies, you might be a beekeeper.


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## Rxmaker (Jul 6, 2011)

If your pickup cab smells like smoke and your steering wheel is sticky, you just might be a beekeeper


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## zookeeper (Oct 21, 2009)

You find honey on EVERYTHING you own....purse, cell phone, tv remote, appliances, etc......and it doesn't bother you , then you might be a beekeeper.


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## Mike Gillmore (Feb 25, 2006)

.... if your wife and children have nicknamed you Ulee.


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## Michael Palmer (Dec 29, 2006)

You spend your vacations at beekeeper's meetings.


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## giant pumpkin peep (Mar 14, 2009)

...you day dream through an entire section of math class thinking about bees.
.....your truck cab smells of burnt wood shavings and honey
....You schedule your days off at work around bees and bee meetings
....You see a the world as a potential nectar source.
....you enjoy bees more than most family
....beesource gets used as a distraction from math homework
....A consideration when getting ready to go to college is deciding if you take bees with you


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## WVMJ (Apr 2, 2012)

...your wife has to pick berries in a beesuit because your hives are pointed in the wrong direction.
...your dog learned new dance moves in the beeyard.
...you weigh honey instead of using gallons like everyone else in the world.
...you apply fumagillin in the dark of night.
...you measure the sucess of your honey yeild in carboys of mead brewing your basement.

WVMJU


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## jean-marc (Jan 13, 2005)

... if you get stung in the head or face 3-4 times before you decide to put your veil on.

Jean-Marc


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## Ian (Jan 16, 2003)

if your favorite flower is a dandelion


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## Paul McCarty (Mar 30, 2011)

When you buy groceries, it consists of 50 bags of sugar.


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## linn (Nov 19, 2010)

if all you talk about is bees.


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## Steven Tervort (Feb 16, 2012)

If the pocket knife you carry barely opens because it is sealed shut with wax... 
If you don't go anywhere unless you have a swarm trap and a bee veil in your car, just in case you get a call to remove a swarm... 
If you first try to remedy an ailment with a honey tinxture...
---- and finally ----
If beesource is your homepage you just might be a beekeeper.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

If you talk about your Honey and people know you aren't refering to your spouse, you just might be a beekeeper.

If you recognize the sound of the hose being blown off of your turbo, you just might be a truckin' beekeeper. 

It's good to have friends. Driving up 81, headed home, I heard a loud bang and lost power. Limped up to the Motel and called a friend for advice. Turns out he had a friend who lives just a few miles away who is a fleet mechanic for a construction company. He came right over and put things back together for me. Mobile again.


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## TNT Bees (Dec 10, 2012)

You just might be a beekeeper if you get stung on the end of the tongue while taking a drink from a coke can, while moving bees at night..... not once but twice on different dates.


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## Ian (Jan 16, 2003)

ouch!


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## Bee Bliss (Jun 9, 2010)

.........when you agree to meet someone in a fast food parking lot for the transaction. They have what you want and you pay them. They hand it to you and you watch the worker bees just loving the caged queen in your hand. You are not nervous at all and they are walking all over your hands. You *know* they will not sting you. None of this would have happened prior to becoming a beekeeper.


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## cerezha (Oct 11, 2011)

I am not true beekeeper because out of all above, I have in common - using beesourse too much. I did not call anybody "honey", but my wife called me "honey" well before bees happened - she knew! I am obsessed with bees, but it does not make me a beekeper. I am a bee-enthusiast and hobbyist. It is so nice to see the passion people express to the bees! Sergey


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## millerdrr (Dec 5, 2012)

...if you are overheard talking about killing the queen and replacing her with a virgin, and nobody calls the cops.

Three words: indoor observation hive.

...you are willing to pay for pollen...a month before everyone else curses its existence.

...wax is your most valuable investment.

...if you've ever used the word "thorax" outside of a school science class.

...your children are expected to plan their wedding before or after the spring build-up. (props and well-wishes to Long Lane Honey)

...if a state highway patrol officer has found dozens of Mason jars in the floorboard of your truck, yet still doesn't give you a breathalyzer.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

cerezha said:


> I am not true beekeeper because out of all above, I have in common - using beesourse too much. I did not call anybody "honey", but my wife called me "honey" well before bees happened - she knew! I am obsessed with bees, but it does not make me a beekeper. I am a bee-enthusiast and hobbyist. It is so nice to see the passion people express to the bees! Sergey


Sergey,
Google "Jeff Foxworthy". He is a comedian w/ "*******/Country" roots and has a routine in which he says something and ends the line w/ "you just might be a *******". Such as, "If your washing machine is on the front porch of your trailer, you just might be a *******." His observations turned into a comedy routine.

That's the inspiration of this Thread.


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## indypartridge (Nov 18, 2004)

...at Disney World you stop at each planter to watch the bees on the flowers.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

If you get waved thru a traffic check by Border Patrol because they can see what's on your truck, you just might be a beekeeper.


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## cerezha (Oct 11, 2011)

sqkcrk said:


> Sergey, Google "Jeff Foxworthy"...


 As usual - I am learning... unfortunately, american humor is not for me as well as russian - is not for americans, I guess. I like this thread!


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

Russian humor?


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## Daniel Y (Sep 12, 2011)

sqkcrk said:


> Russian humor?


Yeah like Jumbo Shrimp and Army Intelligence.

Sorry bout that last one. I love our military. I really do, just couldn't resist.

If you are the reason the named it a toothbrush rather than a Teethbrush. You are probably from Alabama.

Oops I am getting off topic.

If you spend more time looking for a lost hive tool than lost car keys you might be a beekeeper.

If you get more upset over a lost hive tool than you do lost car keys You might be a beekeeper.

If you wake up each morning hoping the girls are in a good mood, and you do not mean your daughters. you are probably a beekeeper.

If you spent more money on vision aids to see bee eggs than did for your glasses, you might be a beekeeper.

If you find you keep coming back to read what has been added to this thread, You might be a beekeeper with to much time on their hands.


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## G B (Nov 6, 2009)

Very funny thread Mark, but dang there are alot of peeps here who arnt well..:shhhh:


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## Colleen O. (Jun 5, 2012)

If you drive 16 hours round trip to meet up with a stranger so you can pick up a nuc of a certain breed of bee you just have to have...

If you spend your Saturday night making Bee Fudge (a.k.a. Candy Boards) instead of going out...


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## deknow (Jul 17, 2006)

...in the americanzied version of russian humor (with apologies to Yakov Smirnoff):

"In Russia, bees keep YOU!"

deknow


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## DRAKOS (Oct 17, 2011)

If you are saying, <<the girls did this, or the girls did that>> or << I took the girls to a new place>>
and your wife is still with you.


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

millerdrr said:


> ...if you are overheard talking about killing the queen and replacing her with a virgin, and nobody calls the cops.


Now I gotta peel myself off the floor...


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## AstroBee (Jan 3, 2003)

if your lawn looks like a patchwork quilt of uncut dandelions and clover.
if every landscaping suggestion made by your wife is seen as an opportunity to add new bee forage.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

When someone gets divorced and you refer to it as "requeening", you just might be a beekeeper.


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## Luterra (Sep 7, 2011)

Bee Bliss said:


> .........when you agree to meet someone in a fast food parking lot for the transaction. They have what you want and you pay them. They hand it to you and you watch the worker bees just loving the caged queen in your hand. You are not nervous at all and they are walking all over your hands. You *know* they will not sting you. None of this would have happened prior to becoming a beekeeper.


When you and a complete stranger pull into an empty freeway gas station at 1 am. A truck pulls up loaded with small white boxes. The driver hands each of you a small white box. You hand him $130. You all drive away. Few words are exchanged. You might be a beekeeper...


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## Michael_C (May 22, 2012)

If you have read all the "you just might be a beekeeper" posts and look forward to the next one, you just might be a beekeeper.


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

Michael_C said:


> If you have read all the "you just might be a beekeeper" posts and look forward to the next one, you just might be a beekeeper.


Yes!!!


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## deknow (Jul 17, 2006)

...if you are devising a way to install a spit inside your bee smoker that winds a rotation spring when you puff the bellows, you might be a beekeeper (and you might be hungry as well).
deknow


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## snl (Nov 20, 2009)

if you look like Santa................................all year round!


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## cerezha (Oct 11, 2011)

sqkcrk said:


> Russian humor?


Дачник, перегнувшись через забор, спрашивает соседа:
- А что у вас вчера за праздник был? Все так танцевали...
Сосед: Да, дед наш, будь он неладен, улей перевернул.
----------------------------------------------------------
*Dachinick * asking the neighbor over the fence:
- Did you have a party yesterday? Everybody danced so hard...
*Neighbor: *Not yet, my grandpa just turned over the beehive...
-----------------------------
_Vocabulary:_
*Dachnick -* the renter of the popular in Russia "summer house", dacha. 
--------------------------------------------------
Знакомый спрашивает начинающего пчеловода:
- Ну как? Ты доволен своими пчелами?
- Очень! Хоть мед я еще не собирал, но они уже изжалили всех моих противных соседей.

Friend is asking the beginner-beekeeper:
- What's up with your bees? Are you happy?
- Very much! I did not get any honey yet, but bees already sting all my horrible neighbors (he hated his neighbors).
---------------------------------------------

Встречаются на улице два кума. Один говорит другому:
- Кум, у тебя пчелы курят?
- Нет.
- Ну значит, у тебя пасека горит.

On the street meet two "in-laws".
One in-law asking another: Listen, did your bees smoke?
- What? Of coarse not!
- Than you apiary is in fire...
----------------------------------


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## Splatt (Jul 11, 2012)

...If you're constantly making corny "bee" jokes...
...If your first thought when you look out the window in the morning is whether or not the bees will be flying that day...


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

Humor doesn't work well if you have to explain it, Sergey.


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## cerezha (Oct 11, 2011)

sqkcrk said:


> Humor doesn't work well if you have to explain it, Sergey.


 Yes, it lost in translation. Now you understand how I feel with American humor...


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## giant pumpkin peep (Mar 14, 2009)

You might bee a beekeeper if...

...It becomes very routine to get bee jokes from people on a regular basis when they find out you have bees.
... when honey carmel is your favrotie ice cream,
.....when most of what your read for fun is about bees
.....Your friends are not suprised to see a copy of bee sex essentials sitting in your bag
....your extended cab pick up only really holds two people becuase there is a bunch of bee equipt. in the back seat.


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## seyc (Jul 15, 2012)

. . . when your grandmother offers to knit a "hive cozy" for your bees because "winters are cold"


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## bevy's honeybees (Apr 21, 2011)

Your favorite phone call, the one where you dance a little jig after you hang up, is the one when someone calls and says, "I have a bee problem..."

Your favorite vacation stop is the bee supply store.

Your grandkids come over and say "it smells like honey in here" (vs cookies)

Your favorite conversations are with another beekeeper


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## BEESERIOUS (Feb 25, 2009)

if after working hard the whole day you step into the house and go staight to the computer and click on Beesource........you just might be a BEEKEEPER


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## BEESERIOUS (Feb 25, 2009)

if you make hundreds of thousands of dollars and drive around in an old beat up flat bed truck, well........


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## EastSideBuzz (Apr 12, 2009)

You might be a beekeeper if you take hive body components and a compressor in your pickup to the gym parking lot to pass the time while waiting to pick up your daughter from practice.


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## chillardbee (May 26, 2005)

If you planed your own wedding to coincide with the end of the bee season...
(which I did, Oct 15)

If most of your personal library are bee books and you buy every edition of a bee book you come across...

If you baost about how high your honey supers were stacked on your hives the way fishermen talk about the size of fish they caught...

If your beeyards are in emaculate shape but your own yard is 3 feet of grass... (and claim you needed to let the dandilions grow for the bees)

If you watch ulees gold every year on a regular basis in janurary for the bee scenes because you miss your bees and maybe even get a little tear in the corner of your eye during those scenes...


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## EastSideBuzz (Apr 12, 2009)

chillardbee said:


> If you watch ulees gold every year on a regular basis in janurary for the bee scenes because you miss your bees and maybe even get a little tear in the corner of your eye during those scenes...


 Me too. OMG.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

If you always have matches in your pocket, but you never buy cigars, cigarettes or pipe tobacco, you just might be a beekeeper.

If you wear a suit to work, but it has a hood and zips up the front, you just might be a beekeeper.


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

giant pumpkin peep said:


> You might bee a beekeeper if...
> ....your extended cab pick up only really holds two people becuase there is a bunch of bee equipt. in the back seat.


I must be a beekeeper! :scratch::applause:


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## Bee Bliss (Jun 9, 2010)

.............if you know what and why there are little golden light brown spots on your patio furniture, vans, skylight, etc......, well you might be a keeper.


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## Dave Burrup (Jul 22, 2008)

If your vacation itinerary revolves around a visit to the bee supply store, you might be a beekeeper.


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## Joel (Mar 3, 2005)

If you take a 100 mile detour to drive a trailer load of bees up the switchback to Brushy Mountain because it's on your bee store bucket list


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## snl (Nov 20, 2009)

If your neighbor casually asks you where you think those golden spots on his car may have come from and you answer.................. .. I dunno....

If you can't wait to see the dandelions blooming in your lawn...


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## deknow (Jul 17, 2006)

sqkcrk said:


> If you always have matches in your pocket, but you never buy cigars, cigarettes or pipe tobacco, you just might be a beekeeper.


...or, you might be a pothead.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

deknow said:


> ...or, you might be a pothead.


Getcherown Thread.


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## Bee Bliss (Jun 9, 2010)

If you just have to go tell the bees that Dad, a former beekeeper, passed (even if they never "knew" him)........you may be a beekeeper.


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## RogerCrum (Jun 19, 2011)

Bee Bliss, so sorry for the loss of your Dad. There is something healing about emptying some of the sorrow out by telling the bees. Nice to hear that someone was taught something about the "old ways". Best wishes, Roger


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## DonShackelford (Jan 17, 2012)

If you can't carry groceries in the back of the truck because it is sticky, and you can't fit groceries in the trunk of the old Cadillac because it is full of veils, gloves, and sugar, you might be a beekeeper.

If there's a 5 gallon bucket of honey sitting on your kitchen counter, you're probably a bachelor beekeeper. 

And if your 2 car garage resembles a hive manufacturing facility with barely room to move, you know you are a beekeeper.


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## Ramona (Apr 26, 2008)

If Dee Lusby officiated your wedding in the desert and you spent 2 weeks on a working wedding/ honeymoon with her bees and got to sleep until 7 am the morning after your wedding you just might be beekeepers...

Only bachelors keep 5 gallon buckets of honey around the kitchen? hmmmmm.....

Ramona


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## millerdrr (Dec 5, 2012)

...if you can remember the day your queen emerged easier than your childrens' birthdays...

...if you hide the cans of RAID at Walmart behind other products...

...if you see a large swarm crossing your yard, and you get excited, instead of fearing an apocalypse...

...if you've spent all winter in your custom woodshop repairing hives/frames, while your wife is complaining about a wobbly dining-room table...


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## delber (Dec 26, 2010)

sqkcrk said:


> Humor doesn't work well if you have to explain it, Sergey.


Just for the record I thought it was good. But then again I find that often I have to explain my "jokes" to others also. What's my excuse? :scratch:

- if you have honey bear maple syrup and chocolate sauce containers in your fridge.
- if you get stung and feel bad for the bee


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

DonShackelford said:


> And if your 2 car garage resembles a hive manufacturing facility with barely room to move, you know you are a beekeeper.


Again, I must be a beekeeper.


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## EastSideBuzz (Apr 12, 2009)

If your guest room has become a honey room with a honey warmer, Extractor and dozens of boxes of honey.

If under your eaves of the house is next years assembled boxes for expansion.

If you have a stack of sugar piled up on the front steps for winter feed.

If you scout piles of pallets behind buildings to convert into 4ways.

If you collect sugar packets from restaurants. 

If you travel with end-bars in your suitcase so you can pound in eyelets in for wired frames in your hotel room.

If you travel with a case of honey in your checked bag to give or sell to co-workers.

If you tip people with a bottle of honey instead of cash.

If you try and pay for things with honey in a barter.

If a person you are with gets stung and you say "Better you then me."

If you try and save the bee that flew into your car and feel bad that it may never find its way home.


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## delber (Dec 26, 2010)

My wife has said. . . 

-If you take your family on a "vacation" because you can get free bees doing a cut-out
-If your wife says "You need to leave the bees alone and work on the house or I'm going to swarm"


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

eastsidebuzz said:


> if you try and save the bee that flew into your car and feel bad that it may never find its way home.


yes!


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## Michael_C (May 22, 2012)

if you find yourself apologizing to a bee, which you just found in the container which you keep your burr comb, after realizing that she had been locked in solitary confinement for more than half her life. if you then state that that you must do inspections more often.


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## imkerwannabee (Feb 27, 2012)

If you have the best waxed garage floor in the neighborhood.

imkerwannabee


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## FlowerPlanter (Aug 3, 2011)

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Cause they use a honey comb.


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## pokerman11 (Feb 9, 2009)

When everything you own including your dog is sticky


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## minz (Jan 15, 2011)

…if your wife tells you the supermarket is having a sale on sugar and you get more excited than she does.
When the guys at work are giving away a dining room set and you just look at the top to see if is good enough to rip into bee boxes or hive components (got over ruled and made it ended up making it into a coffee table).


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## Daniel Y (Sep 12, 2011)

minz said:


> …if your wife tells you the supermarket is having a sale on sugar and you get more excited than she does.


This one made me laugh out loud hard. Brought back a real memory last summer of bolting out of the house after 25 lb bags of sugar. My wife in tow grumbling under her breath. Man it is good when the tables turn


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## jdmidwest (Jul 9, 2012)

EastSideBuzz said:


> If you collect sugar packets from restaurants.


That is sad. You really need to get help if you start collecting sugar packets to try to keep your bees fed. How many Mc D's packets in a quart of 1:1?


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## Rader Sidetrack (Nov 30, 2011)

jdmidwest said:


> How many Mc D's packets in a quart of 1:1?


Each of these Domino packets is 3.5 grams. 
http://www.dominosugar.com/sugar/sugar-packets

It will take 450 packets to equal one pound of sugar. So it will take about 675 packets to get a quart of 1:1. 

How long will it take to open 675 packages, to get the equivalent of about $0.90 worth of retail bulk sugar?

Or perhaps ESB does that on the plane while flying home ...


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## EastSideBuzz (Apr 12, 2009)

Rader Sidetrack said:


> Or perhaps ESB does that on the plane while flying home ...


My daughter likes sugar in her tea. Can't seem to get her onto the honey in her tea unless she is sick. Since all the sugar usually goes into bee candy she has to use the sugar packets for her tea because the sugar jar is always empty.


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## giant pumpkin peep (Mar 14, 2009)

if you think about bees, when your giving blood, and the lady tells you the needle will be a stick and a sting.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

Right gpp. I have blookd drawn twice a year and always think and sometimes say, "I get stung worse than that regularly."


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## pokerman11 (Feb 9, 2009)

When you buy so much sugar that the local sherrif questions you for being a moonshiner


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## RichardsonTX (Jul 3, 2011)

.........."if the people from your regular job are always asking you why you have melted wax in the bed of your company work truck."


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

Ok, I'll bite. You might be a lady beekeeper if you're outside early in the morning with curlers in your hair, your Sthil chain saw mask on for eye and hearing protection..cutting just one more board on the chop saw and hoping to God no one shows up early and sees you..


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

If all I were wearing was haircurlers and a Stihl chainsaw mask I would worry about being seen too and I am not a woman. You'll have to take my word on that.


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

Oh my Gosh, I'm Laughing at that one


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

If you're husband is ticked about the _trees _making a mess of little spots all over the cars and you don't say a word as he tops and de-limbs all the Hybrid poplars on the place. 
you might be a bee keeper


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

"You just might be a beekeeper" is the tag line. It comes after whatever characteristic you illustrate in the first part. It's funnier when it's in the right order.

If you go to work in a suit which zips up the front and has a hood, (pause) you just might be a beekeeper. See how that works?

If you have curlers in your hair and wear a Stihl chainsaw mask etc etc, you just might be a lady beekeeper.


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## Bee Bliss (Jun 9, 2010)

If in the springtime you notice all those dandelions in your yard and the neighbors yard and wish there were more......you just might be a beekeeper!

p.s. Thank you, Roger. Very kind of you. May your bees be extra productive this coming year!


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

If you drive a Honey Wagon but it doesn't have a big tank w/ a cleanout hose attatched to it, you just might be a beekeeper.


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## jpelley (Jun 9, 2012)

You climb thirty or so feet up a tree with a fifteen foot pole with a bucket three times to catch a later August swarm ...you might be a keeper.


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## jim lyon (Feb 19, 2006)

Lauri said:


> Ok, I'll bite. You might be a lady beekeeper if you're outside early in the morning with curlers in your hair, your Sthil chain saw mask on for eye and hearing protection..cutting just one more board on the chop saw and hoping to God no one shows up early and sees you.
> 
> Lauri: I go back and forth on this, trying to decide if your husband is the luckiest, or unluckiest man in the world.


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

Jim, I'm laughing at that one too! I'm sure he doesn't know ether
No one was here when I did the curler/mask stunt. I even horrified myself.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

Too bad. I would love to see you in curlers and chainsaw protection gear. Wear you wearing the chaps too? And the steel toed boots?


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## Rader Sidetrack (Nov 30, 2011)

Mark? ... Mark? ... Wake up ...  We probably don't want to know about _those _thoughts ... 




Lauri said:


> You might be a lady beekeeper if you're outside early in the morning with curlers in your hair, your Sthil chain saw mask on for eye and hearing protection..cutting just one more board on the *chop saw* and hoping to God no one shows up early and sees you.


Lauri was using an ordinary chop (miter) saw, not a chain saw. Boots? Chaps? :lookout:


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## squarepeg (Jul 9, 2010)

lauri, you are great with your camera, how about a photo?


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

Be careful what you wish for










(By the way, that hair is from petting the horses..I don't have hairy hands,LOL)


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## snl (Nov 20, 2009)

sqkcrk said:


> Too bad. I would love to see you in curlers and chainsaw protection gear. Wear you wearing the chaps too? And the steel toed boots?


I agree with Radar....................Mark, you're having a very nice dream, but perhaps this thread needs to move elsewhere! Perhaps to another forum!


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## BeeGhost (May 7, 2011)

If you rip out existing landscape in your backyard to plant landscape to attract bees, you might be a beekeeper.

If you tell your neighbors that you brought five hives home just to watch them freak out, you might be a beekeeper.

If a coworker tells you that a bee is on your shoulder and you just smile, you might be a beekeeper.

If you see bees working some plants in your back yard and you rush to get the bottle of honey to attempt to hand feed them, you might be a beekeeper.

If you come home and your wife (who is afraid of bees) tells you that she scooped a couple LIVE bees out of the pool with the pool net and saved their life, you must be a beekeeper.

If you have to second guess about letting your kids use some scrap wood to build something because you KNOW you might need it to build somemore bee equipment, you might be a beekeeper.

If you take your break at work and drag your coworker over to an area you know has bee hives just so you can watch them for a bit, you might be a beekeeper.


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## wildbranch2007 (Dec 3, 2008)

when you move into your new house and the neighbor comes over to shake your hand and you have to explain how you can't right now as the bee that is in your hand ran out of gas,
you might be a beekeeper

haven't seen the next door neighbor in 10 years.


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## Makin' Honey (Sep 13, 2010)

If your beeyard is 20 miles out, you left you hive tool at home and you find a screw driver to get by for the day….

If you try to start your smoker with the truck cigarette lighter ‘cause your Bic lighter got wet…..

If people in the restaurant move away from you ‘cause you’ve been taking off honey with Bee Go…..

If the bees on you are stiff from the cold weather, then warming up in Home Depot they start buzzing around….


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

Makin' Honey said:


> If your beeyard is 20 miles out, you left you hive tool at home and you find a screw driver to get by for the day….
> 
> 
> A little girl was asked to get a screwdriver. She came back with a screwdriver and a butter knife. Then she asked 'do you want a daddy screwdriver or a mommy screwdriiver"
> ...


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

I thought maybe the Mommy screwdriver was going to have alcohol in it.


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

LOL, good modification to the story.


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## Rob Renneker (Aug 7, 2006)

You just might be a beekeeper if you drive to your day job and park your flatbed Dodge truck (complete with a hive tool on the dash and supers tied on the back with the unmistakable "bee knot") next to all the cars in the parking lot.


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## Flyer Jim (Apr 22, 2004)

When you remember old posts.
http://www.beesource.com/forums/sho...-real-beekeeper-when-quot&highlight=beekeeper


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

Lordy, Allen Dick? Must have been his last Post. Thanks Jim.


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

If you are getting ready for holiday baking and are grocery shopping. You walk by the baking dept and see powdered sugar. It dawns on you you need to grab a bag, because you used the last one to sprinkle on the hives...you might be a beekeeper


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

If...

The windshield of your vehicle has at least two yellow dots on it.

You have answers ready for questions about Africanized bees and the value of local honey in preventing allergies.

Year eagerly await the phone call from the post office asking you to please come pick up your bees.

You check out all the honey labels and prices at the supermarket.

You've gone through the supermarket checkout line buying nothing more than a big load of sugar, and maybe some Crisco.

You've estimated just how much money you spent to control mites.

You pick up matches at restaurants, even though you don't smoke.

Your friends and neighbors think you are the answer to every swarm and bees-in-the-wall problem.

You are keenly aware of the first and last freezes of each winter.

There is propolis on the steering wheel of your vehicle and the bottom of your boots.

There is a bucket of something in your garage that can only be good for smoker fuel.

You are called "the Bee Man," or "the Bee Lady" by a lot of people who don't know your name.

You know the bloom period of more local flowers than the state horticulturist.

You welcome a rainy weekend if it will stimulate nectar production.

You don't mind driving home with a few honey bees inside your vehicle.

Your family and friends know exactly what they're going to get for Christmas.

You don't mow the lawn because the bees are working the weeds.

You drive down a road and find yourself evaluating the roadside flowers for their honey-producing potential.

You pull over and check the bees on the wildflowers just to see if they are YOUR bees, AND -- you can tell the difference.

You come home smelling like a camp fire, and you haven't been camping.

You saw Ulee's Gold and didn't think there were enough shots of the bees.

You overhear your 9 year old daughter explaining to her friends how to tie a trucker's hitch.

The school principal calls to ask that you never again let your child take a drone tied with a thread to school for show and tell.

You never stop marveling at these wonderful creatures.

*****

You know you are married to a beekeeper if...

You spend at least one day a week on your hands and knees with a sharp knife scraping wax and propolis off your kitchen floor.

You've ever used bee boxes as furniture in your house, for coffee tables, chairs, night stands, and storage boxes.

You mow around mountains of bee equipment that never seems to make it to the barn.

You plan weddings, child birth, surgery and funerals around honey extracting time.

When buying a new truck, your spouse checks weight loads and measures the bed to see how many hives he can fit in it.

You get stung by the bee that was clinging to your husband's bee suit when you picked it up to wash it.

**********

Disclaimer: Not all of these apply to me. Some are for the ladies.


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## Lauri (Feb 1, 2012)

You've gone through the supermarket checkout line buying nothing more than a big load of sugar, and maybe some Crisco.

I tell them with a straight face, I am on the Hollywood sugar diet..then enjoy the deer in the headlight's look they give me


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## jim lyon (Feb 19, 2006)

When I get the "that sure is a lot of sugar" comment. I just say "yup"


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## cg3 (Jan 16, 2011)

"I'm gonna try my hand at baking cookies"


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## giant pumpkin peep (Mar 14, 2009)

Just remembered this one from a few months ago.


if...

you worry about your parents being mad at you not becuase of bad grades, but the $200 truck tire you just shredded coming out of a bee yard.

your parents are happy the worst trouble you get in, is destroying a tire, coming out of a bee yard. 

you dont get any homework done becuase the planned study time was taken up by changing out the flat you got coming out of a beeyard.


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## Colleen O. (Jun 5, 2012)

You are in bed trying to fall asleep with a windstorm for backgound noise and all of a sudden it occurs to you that your hives may have been affected and you get up to make sure the bees are okay ...knocking your shin in the process.


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## deknow (Jul 17, 2006)

...if you've ever been pulled over because the police officer saw a bunch of bugs on the rear window of your station wagon, and thought there might be a dead body in the back....you might just bee a beekeeper.

deknow


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

deknow said:


> ...if you've ever been pulled over because the police officer saw a bunch of bugs on the rear window of your station wagon, and thought there might be a dead body in the back....you might just bee a beekeeper.
> 
> deknow


Has it ever happened to you?


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## deknow (Jul 17, 2006)

Yes...but I had a good line for him. "These bees are headed to the Intercontinental Hotel."


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## Rader Sidetrack (Nov 30, 2011)

Fancy hotels have discovered that bees are an additional way to separate guests from more of their money ...
http://www.fbconfitdential.com/2011/05/24/it’s-the-‘bee’s-knees’-at-the-intercontinental-boston/

:lookout:


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## deknow (Jul 17, 2006)

???? I haven't seen anything at the hotel that has an additional charge because there are bees.....a fancy drink at a fancy hotel bar?

We were not involved when that article was written.

With that said, the hotel is also providing space for both beginning and advanced bee school (9 sessions total)...none of the students are hotel guests.

deknow


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## Michael Palmer (Dec 29, 2006)

westernbeekeeper said:


> Has it ever happened to you?


Well, there was the time I drove out of the woods from the Castine yard. Cop was at the corner. Just knew he was gonna...

Wanted to know if I was Chester the Molester. Seems a woman was attacked near there and the perp "Came out of the woods". 

"Nope, and I don't know anyone named Chester".


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## Rader Sidetrack (Nov 30, 2011)

deknow said:


> ???? I haven't seen anything at the hotel that has an additional charge because there are bees.....a fancy drink at a fancy hotel bar?


Hotels with bees are more sophisticated than to blatantly add a "_bee service charge"_ to each room bill. But certainly they incorporate _hotel _honey into many of their foods and beverages as the article stated. And you can bet there is a hefty markup on that honey.

Hotels are profit-driven enterprises; everything they do is intended to enhance the bottom line! That should be no surprise to anyone, my point was that now they have figured out how to use _bees _to add to that bottom line. :gh:


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## genie (Jun 25, 2011)

After reading Mark's "requeening" theory, I announce you as my winner for the funniest 
"you just might be a beekeeper" saying of the ******* Beeks.


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## westernbeekeeper (May 2, 2012)

genie said:


> After reading Mark's "requeening" theory, I announce you as my winner for the funniest
> "you just might be a beekeeper" saying of the ******* Beeks.


I second that!


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## Fl_Beak (May 9, 2010)

If while doing a cut out, by standers call to you
"there are bee on you!" and you reply
"Can you count how many?"
they reply " Maybe 5 or 6"
and you reply "So long as you can stil count them, I'm ok..." you might be a bee keeper.


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## ribbit (May 3, 2011)

If you have to watch a scene in Downton Abbey several times because you get distracted by the hives in the background, you might be a bee keeper


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## dnichols (May 28, 2012)

You get back from your bee yard that is 30 minutes away and you realize a bee has hitchhiked back with you so.... you turn around to bring her back.


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## D Coates (Jan 6, 2006)

Your vanity plate says "bkeepr." My wife surprised me by putting that on my parked truck while I was bowhunting elk in Colorado.


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## delber (Dec 26, 2010)

dnichols said:


> You get back from your bee yard that is 30 minutes away and you realize a bee has hitchhiked back with you so.... you turn around to bring her back.


WOW that's great!!! :lpf:


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

dnichols said:


> You get back from your bee yard that is 30 minutes away and you realize a bee has hitchhiked back with you so.... you turn around to bring her back.


Naw, if you were a beekeeper you wouldn't. You know that one bee doesn't matter.


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## EastSideBuzz (Apr 12, 2009)

If your favorite movie is Ulee's Gold.


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## Blackwater Bees (May 7, 2012)

The local law thinks you're a moonshiner because you've been spotted buying large quanities of sugar.


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## Roland (Dec 14, 2008)

You can grab your hive tool quicker than your truck keys, but only because you keep track of your hive tool, cuz' the keys have never been out of the ignition.

Crazy Roland

P.S. True story, took the truck home after 30 years, parked outside for the first time, could not get the keys out, never been out before.


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## Santa Caras (Aug 14, 2013)

snl said:


> if you look like Santa................................all year round!


GUILTY!
If your wife, a quilter, quilts you a Bee Quilt. YMBBK
If you proudly display you bee stings and nonchalantly dismiss their numbers. . YMBBK


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## TalonRedding (Jul 19, 2013)

If while your neighbor is sowing Kentucky 31 Fescue, you are sowing and encouraging the clover and dandelions that he doesn't want.

If you forget about the hive tool in your back pocket, jump in the truck and rip your seat with said hive tool.


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## SpringGreen (Jun 26, 2014)

If every visitor to your home/farm gets dragged out to see the hives...


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## RayMarler (Jun 18, 2008)

If you curse the county for mowing and spraying all the dandelions and starthistle in the roadside ditches.


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