# "You know you are a real beekeeper when..."



## Michael Palmer (Dec 29, 2006)

How about the first time you ever go online and in all innocence google "honey."


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## deknow (Jul 17, 2006)

...you catch yourself telling people that getting stung "feels kinda good".

deknow


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## StevenG (Mar 27, 2009)

You can't wait for the dandelions to bloom.


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## Roland (Dec 14, 2008)

Wonder why people look at you strange when you start talking about a bunch of virgins running around.

Roland


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## BEES4U (Oct 10, 2007)

Being a Queen Breeder has been known to raise some eyebrows.
Ernie


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## Michael Palmer (Dec 29, 2006)

When she says PMS you think mites.


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## alpha6 (May 12, 2008)

You suffer from ABD (Attention Bee Disorder). Characterized as a constant summary of any area during a trip of if that would be a good place to put in a bee yard and verbally wondering if every plant or tree is a nectar or pollen source. Tends to drive family members crazy. Usually acceptable behavior round other beekeepers.


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## irwin harlton (Jan 7, 2005)

http://outdoorplace.org/beekeeping/youknow.htm

I do not think we are really beekeepers, we are care givers to this amazing insect , oh yes, we "keep" them but even that extracts its price,-blood, sweat and tears for the honey crop.
Have heard of bees or beekeeping referred to as the backbone of agriculture


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## peacekeeperapiaries (Jun 23, 2009)

you leave a hive tool in your back pocket and tear a hole in your truck seat when you sit down


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## Beeslave (Feb 6, 2009)

This one goes with Roland's response.

Sitting in a restraunt surrounded by older folk and having a discussion with another beek about killing virgins. Wow, did we ever get some weird looks.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

... you get together w/ another beekeeper and can't talk about anything but bees.


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## jmgi (Jan 15, 2009)

>You suffer from ABD (Attention Bee Disorder).

My family didn't believe me when I said there were others like me! Looking for possible bee yards and honey plants when on a trip is a great way to pass the time without getting bored.


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## BEES4U (Oct 10, 2007)

WTS
It stands for wher's the sugar.
and 
ISBSS
I just bought some sugar.
Ernie


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## Bens-Bees (Sep 18, 2008)

peacekeeperapiaries said:


> you leave a hive tool in your back pocket and tear a hole in your truck seat when you sit down


You leave a hive tool in your back pocket and tear a hole in the duct tape covering the last hole you tore in your truck seat.


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## JohnK and Sheri (Nov 28, 2004)

This one goes with Roland's and Shannon's response.

Sitting in a racially mixed restaurant in TX talking about how we didn't want any black queens. 

Sheri


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## dnelson (May 19, 2009)

You sell a nuc to the russians


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## heaflaw (Feb 26, 2007)

dnelson said:


> You sell a nuc to the russians


Now that is funny.


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## gregstahlman (Oct 7, 2009)

people in the grocery store look at you wierd cuz you smell like BEE-GO. Sometimes it's embaressing. lol


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## lake thompson honey (Feb 11, 2007)

you have left gates open and let cattle and or horses out.

you have been chased by a mad cow.

you have dumped everything off your truck at one time or another. hives, honey supers, drums.they always fall off on busy highways occasionally in the rain.

you have had trailers come unhooked and forklifts cartwheeling.

you have been stung on every conceivable body part.


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## Radical Bee (Feb 25, 2009)

You watched Ulee's Gold and complained that there were not enough scenes with Bees in them.


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## Skinner Apiaries (Sep 1, 2009)

Radical Bee said:


> You watched Ulee's Gold and complained that there were not enough scenes with Bees in them.


Or thought Ulee should have used a swinger instead of a boom lol


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## Skinner Apiaries (Sep 1, 2009)

JohnK and Sheri said:


> This one goes with Roland's and Shannon's response.
> 
> Sitting in a racially mixed restaurant in TX talking about how we didn't want any black queens.
> 
> Sheri


At least you werent "killing black virgins" lol


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## The Honey Householder (Nov 14, 2008)

When your master key to get thought locked gate to get to your bee yard is bolt cutters.:doh:


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## rainesridgefarm (Sep 4, 2001)

When you meet a man in the parking lot of the local garden center that you have never met before to sell him one of your extra queens and say, you look like a guy that can use a good queen. and it is not the beekeeper you thought it was supposed to be.


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## ACBEES (Mar 13, 2009)

You are going down the road and get flagged down by a concerned motorist who tells you the bed of your pick-up is on fire and you have to explain it's your bee smoker.


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## Allen Dick (Jan 10, 2009)

ACBEES said:


> You are going down the road and get flagged down by a concerned motorist who tells you the bed of your pick-up is on fire and you have to explain it's your bee smoker.


And then you take a look, and you see that your load is actually on fire.


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## bigbill (Sep 27, 2009)

like BEES4U said here in california talking about Queens in crowded restraught get strange look partcularly when sitting by youre self talking on the phone


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## soupcan (Jan 2, 2005)

Your hot & tired.
So ya go in to have a cool one.
Bunch of friends are in there doing the same.
Ya buy a round cuz you reek from Bee Go.
And old timer walks by you, stops & backs up & asks as to when I started to raise hogs!!!!


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## GaSteve (Apr 28, 2004)

When you get some really strange reactions from coworkers at the Air Force Base where you work when you talk about making and selling "nukes":no:.


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## devdog108 (May 7, 2009)

StevenG said:


> You can't wait for the dandelions to bloom.


AND when your in the yard, taking pictures of the dandelions in February in a neighborhood that is almost exclusivly bermuda grass and people HATE dandelions.....and wonder what the HECK you are celebrating over a single dandelion for.....


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## Roland (Dec 14, 2008)

..... you are in town, got to pee, and start looking for a tree.(and then realize...)

Roland


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## NasalSponge (Jul 22, 2008)

When you have folks over for yet another Sunday lunch and afterwords your wife praises you for NOT bringing up your bees. Of course my tongue was bleeding by then.


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## jean-marc (Jan 13, 2005)

You keep catching queens, even in your dreams. You can hear the bees before you fall asleep.

Jean-Marc


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## dbest (Aug 9, 2005)

I always laugh when I pull up to the fuel pump next to the NO SMOKING sign, and smoke is rolling off the forklift.


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## JohnK and Sheri (Nov 28, 2004)

You are at a hotel halfway between home and California and you see a swinger in a hotel or restaurant parking lot so you pull over to see who it is.

Or, you are driving and pass another load of bees and you get on the CB to see who it is. Most of the time you know each other.
Sheri


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## elkridge (Jan 13, 2010)

When your shoes stick to the kitchen floor and you decide to just go barefoot.


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## ACBEES (Mar 13, 2009)

When you can find an unmarked queen in a double deep.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

GaSteve said:


> When you get some really strange reactions from coworkers at the Air Force Base where you work when you talk about making and selling "nukes":no:.


 my son will be around to visit you  MI/CI

by the way, and maybe you know, it's NUCs, as in nucleus colony.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

...while you are out of state on vacation and see a bee yard, you just have to pull in to see what the bees are doing. And your wife gets upset.


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## Grant (Jun 12, 2004)

When you buy a grocery cart full of 4# bags of sugar because they were on sale for $1.59 and you lie to the cute teenage girl at the check out telling her it's for Vacation Bible School because she'd never understand about feeding bees and you don't have time to explain because the sun is going down and you told your wife you'd be home by 9 o'clock.

And she never asks where's the Kool-Aid.

Grant
Jackson, MO


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## StevenG (Mar 27, 2009)

When you're on vacation and you see some beehives, and stop to take pictures.


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## MWillard (Dec 8, 2008)

When you hear the word honey, and you don't think of your significant other....


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## Beeslave (Feb 6, 2009)

...every white work t-shirt you have has a propolis stained belly and your work belt is covered in wax and honey.


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## Ian (Jan 16, 2003)

>>You can't wait for the dandelions to bloom

I second that one I tell my kids dandelion is my favorite flower. And they too have a appreciation for the plant, but to see the look on peoples faces when they hear this, is priceless


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## berkshire bee (Jan 28, 2007)

Dandelion is a great flower and the leaves are so good steamed or in salad. Can't ask for more than that.


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## Roland (Dec 14, 2008)

When your neighbors all lock their doors, but you don't, 'cuz there is a scale hive is on the back porch where the screen door can bang it, and there is another hive by the garage door that makes a convenient work bench for impacts, die grinders, and other hand tools.

Roland


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## Roland (Dec 14, 2008)

on the medical questionaire :

Smoker? Yes

How often? As much as they need.


Roland


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## Roland (Dec 14, 2008)

When hearing the state entomologist complain about how the Emerald Ash Borer will kill all the Green Ash trees, to his horror you shout "Great!!!!, maybe Basswoods will grow in their place."

Roland 
Linden(note the name significance) Apiary, Est. 1852


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## berkshire bee (Jan 28, 2007)

You are part of a group leading a jam session at a festival and you get up in the middle because you saw someone with a beekeeping t-shirt and want to meet them.

You use propolis to make your own sticky notes

The fire department smashes the window of your friend's locked truck as you sit in the restaurant having lunch, because he left his smoker in the cab

Your at the beach and everyone around you is reading romance novels and murder mysteries and you are reading "at the hive entrance"


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## wildbranch2007 (Dec 3, 2008)

the day your moving into your new house, as your walking in the driveway, you look down and see a bee that has run out of gas, reach down and pick it up in your right hand, as your new neighbor comes over and wants to shake your hand. the look he gave me was strange, haven't seen him in six years.


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## JoshJames (Jun 12, 2009)

to save money on fuel, you listen to all the "experts" and put straight used vegetable oil (filtered of course) into your semi and flat bed truck and then proceed to test it on a trip across the country with bee's! And no, if you wondering, we did not make it all the way to florida from michigan...


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## HONEYDEW (Mar 9, 2007)

You go to move a double deep across your yard at night in shorts, hoping the propolis will hold the hives together, and half way there you're feeling pretty good about life when the stack becomes instantly light.......


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## loggermike (Jul 23, 2000)

I bet the exhaust smelled really good though.


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## Hambone (Mar 17, 2008)

When you get pulled over for speeding cause you have fresh pulled supers you can't wait to extract and you have to do a field sobriety test because the smell of bee go.


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## jesuslives31548 (May 10, 2008)

You are going down the road and get flagged down by a concerned motorist who tells you the bed of your pick-up is on fire and you have to explain it's your bee smoker. 
__________________
This Happened to me today, Lady pulled up beside me blowing her horn waving frantic. I had to pull over so she would stop. She runs up to my window screaming your trucks on fire. I told her It was my smoker I use for beekeeping work. Her face went blank, said nothing else, turned and walked away. hahaha

Your a beekeeper when you sit your smoker in dry grass and it catches fire. 

When driving your truck its normal to have a dozen or so bees in the cab trying to excape through the windshield.


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## honeyshack (Jan 6, 2008)

You know your are a real beekeeper when...

after a few intense days of working bees, you close your eyes and all you see is bees, and it does not scare you...and you hear the hum of the hives in your ears, and it puts you to sleep


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## wfarler (Jul 9, 2003)

your idea of relaxing and getting away from work is spendng the weekend standing in a cloud of thousands of stinging insects, crawling up your sleeves and across the hood in front of your face and you are thinking, 'gee this sure bees the stress of the office'.

when selling 2 jars of honey for 10 or 12 bucks total is more rewarding that the paycheck you got for doing half that much work.

you know what's in bloom on an given week, in any given yard, in any given season just from the smell of ripening honey and beebread in the beeyard in the evening.


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## wildbranch2007 (Dec 3, 2008)

when you have a hive all apart, and the beeper you have on vibrate, that has moved around into your armpit goes off, and you don't have a heart attack.


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## chillardbee (May 26, 2005)

when your at an intersection with a few splits on the back with a few bees flying around and the lady who pulls up beside you is driving a convertable and manages a record breaking time in puting the top up.

when your having lunch out in the beeyard you have to brush bees off your food.

when your walking through your beeyard between the pillars of hives at the end of a hot day during the nectar flow so you can smell the yeasty smell from the hives as they are ripening there honey and you find yourself singing ' true heaven is a place on earth'

when you know the diminsion of the box on all the trucks your freinds and family owns.

when freinds come over they know they'll end up working with me in the shop or beeyard.

when no matter where you are, what is happening, what your doing, your best line of defence is "It's alright, I'm a beekeeper"


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## suttonbeeman (Aug 22, 2003)

When someone pulls up next to you and rolls down the window to tell you there is a lot of bugs in your load under net!


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## Rohe Bee Ranch (Feb 12, 2008)

When you're in a drive thru picking up your order and the person at the window says they have called the fire department and get out of your truck quick, so you explain that it's your bee smoker and not to worry. But they then block your exit so YOU can explain it to the fire department when they arrive. :doh:

Or when you think it's silly when people call you about a bunch of bees in their yard and they turn out to be yellowjackets. How can someone make such a mistake...thinking yellowjackets are bees. :lpf:


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

When at 1 AM you get awakened at your motel by the Police and the Fire Marshall because your smoker, in the bed of your pickup, is still smoking. They had it on the pavement looking at it like it was a bomb.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

... you have learned from experience that ten minutes of strapping or tying down a load is worth a half hour of picking up broken equipment or hives off of the side of the highway. Not to mention the expense of not doing so.

The same can be said for barrels of honey. VT En Con doesn't think it's funny.


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## NasalSponge (Jul 22, 2008)

When there is a 6" stack of ABJ and BC next to your crapper.....held down by a copy of ABC-XYZ!

When out shopping or going to a restaurant and you see some bees on a crepe myrtle and you spend ten minutes watching them and explaining to your wife the significance of the sighting.....while she rolls her eye at you.

When you have the ability to turn ANY conversation to bees. The guys at work hate me for this.


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## jjgbee (Oct 12, 2006)

When bee stings don't hurt and you tell people that they are good for you anyway.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

jjgbee said:


> When bee stings don't hurt and you tell people that they are good for you anyway.


I haven't gotten there yet. Every one hurts. I think you are in denial.


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## beemandan (Dec 5, 2005)

I had an experienced beekeeper tell me he didn't notice beestings anymore...then he went on to tell me he'd been stung 8 times that day.......
I'm voting for denial too.


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## loggermike (Jul 23, 2000)

you cut your wedding ring off your finger with wire cutters, because the bees have been stinging you there so much you cant remove it, and it hurts, and you know you will be shaking bees non stop for the next week.


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## Steve10 (Nov 19, 2008)

When you wash your vehicle and you're sad when you find a dead bee stuck in the grill!


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## Allen Dick (Jan 10, 2009)

When you get 100 stings (estimated because you don't count them) and you do not swell or itch -- or even comment.


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## dtompsett (Feb 2, 2010)

beemandan said:


> I had an experienced beekeeper tell me he didn't notice beestings anymore...then he went on to tell me he'd been stung 8 times that day.......
> I'm voting for denial too.


My mentor is 84+ years old... last spring we were working the hives and he got stung... flicked it off and didn't think anything of it. Few minutes later... "Owww... you bugger!"... look over... he's swatted a tiny blackfly. His hand swelled up like crazy around the blackfly bite, and he complained about it itching all day.


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

beemandan said:


> I had an experienced beekeeper tell me he didn't notice beestings anymore...then he went on to tell me he'd been stung 8 times that day.......
> I'm voting for denial too.


I can work through the stings too, w/out showing it. But every one hurts. I know people who claim to not feel the stings, but when black flies or misquitoes bite they jump or swat.


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## tedw200 (Mar 4, 2009)

You go out to shovel snow, And your wife comes out to tell you that you have the bee vail and gloves on, not your actual winter hat and gloves !


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## Gene Weitzel (Dec 6, 2005)

When you have to use the windshield washer every morning to remove all the little brown dots on the windshield so you can see.


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## indypartridge (Nov 18, 2004)

When you walk thru a store - Home Depot, WalMart, Dollar General, doesn't matter - and no matter what aisle you are in, you're thinking "How could I use this in the beeyard, in the honey house..."


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## Steve10 (Nov 19, 2008)

When us guys think nothing of going in the store buying nylons to filter our honey! I'm 6' and 210lbs and loved the look on the clerk's face when I asked, "Do these come in a smaller size?


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

... you go to the PX w/ your son and buy the Seabee magnets, even though he is in the Army.


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## jjgbee (Oct 12, 2006)

You are on a mini honeymoon for your 15th wedding aniversery. You stop to see a friend in a region that looks like a really good honey flow is comming on. He tells you of a empty bee yard you can use. You go back home , load up a truck full of bees and a trailer load of supers, a pup tent and some camp gear. The next morning you and the wife are crawling out of the pup tent with a herd of wild cattle looking on wondering why you are parked at there desert water hole. Now you have to super up all those hives. Why is wife upset when I ask her to set up the colman stove and make breakfast. She has a perfectly good truck bed to work on and lots of water if she can run the cows off. HEY I take her to see California wildflowers at least 6 times a year. She is sooo lucky.


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## devdog108 (May 7, 2009)

There are a lot of funny things here, that id by far one of the funniest....SHE IS LUCKY...!!!!


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## CES (Feb 4, 2009)

you sell $400 of honey at the office in an hour.


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## Roland (Dec 14, 2008)

.....your most effective pickup line for the ladies is "Here, try a taste of this", as you hand her a free sample of your unfiltered honey. You know the hook is set when a short time latter she compares you to a drug pusher. Got em!! 

Roland


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## treebee (Mar 7, 2009)

when after spending the whole winter talking, reading, and building for the bees. You wake in the middle of the night to your wife sleep talking about the nucs you want to build the next day.


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## Skinner Apiaries (Sep 1, 2009)

You watch the commodity market on TV, hoping sugar is down.

You watch the weather channel hoping it'll stop raining, so the price of pulpwood goes down, and the mill will finally have timber...

You waste an entire afternoon shuttling between scales and the DMV trying to get legal, only to think, gee I could have grafted today...


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## rand chandler (Mar 26, 2007)

when you are pushing your two year old in Lowe's past the stacks of 5 gallon buckets of paint and he says " look at that honey"..... I'm so proud of him!


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