# Problem with the girlfriend



## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

Why was she stung so much? I've taken my veil off close to our bees and they didn't all suddenly zoom in for my face because the veil was gone. I'm sorry you're on the outs with your fiancee though...and I dunno how much you want to listen to me LOL but if you aren't asking her to help you again, why would she insist you get rid of your other girls? Is she afraid that they will "attack" you at some point? I don't think "buying" her off for lack of a better term, with dinner or gifts will help, if she's honestly concerned with your safety. Maybe she needs to logically understand that these aren't blood-thirsty creatures waiting for you to become vulnerable so they can start an airborne attack. Has she really gotten to know the girls? What they're doing? Maybe if she could see their personalities and behavior a bit more, she'd be easier with you keeping them. 

Or else, maybe she just doesn't like the fact that you have a harem in your yard?


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## Sundance (Sep 9, 2004)

Take your bees to a remote site and downsize so you do not require her help.

Short of that.... Give up the bees.


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## BULLSEYE BILL (Oct 2, 2002)

In the words of Admeral Bill Adama to Commander Tieg, "If she gives you too much trouble, get a younger one."

Not that I'm a good one to give advise, finally getting clear of my PLW, read the writing on the wall. If she does not accept you for who and what your are, (and vise versa), cut your losses now while you can. It's a lot like combining small hives in the fall, it hurts at the time, but it is for the best in the long run.


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## TwT (Aug 5, 2004)

one of these would be nice

http://www.betterbee.com/products.asp?dept=604

then tell her you love her but she loves you for who you are now not for who you could be change too,,,, heck I dont know..... all women like diamonds, try that


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

>>In the words of Admeral Bill Adama to Commander Tieg, "If she gives you too much trouble, get a younger one."

Ok, so maybe I didn't wanna come out and tell the poor guy that the first thing...but it makes sense.







As my dad would say, "If she's 40, trade her in on two 20's!"


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## TXBEE (Feb 23, 2006)

Just move the bees, and downsize. Try explaining why the bees did that. Maybe introduce her to making canles, etc. Try to show her what a fascinating hobby it can be.


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## TXBEE (Feb 23, 2006)

Just move the bees, and downsize. Try explaining why the bees did that. Maybe introduce her to making candles, etc. Try to show her what a fascinating hobby it can be. But, don't give her up.


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## Sundance (Sep 9, 2004)

A good lady is worth more than bees my friend. But by moving them you can have the best of both worlds.


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## Kishwaukee Goldminer (Dec 6, 2005)

Hi, Doug! My wife got stung when she was about 40 ft. from the hive that I almost had stuck my nose into. She was NOT happy! But the pollination and the honey, plus my obvious love of the bees, mellowed her eventually. So there may be hope after all, even if your fiancee never does 'suit up' with one of those nice English bee suits (I love mine!).

Your basic problem seemed to be very inadequate equipment. Elastic is no substitute for a reliable tie-down, especially since women wear makeup that emits odors that the bees may not like.

I agree that the best solution for you may be to move the bees as far as you can from wherever she goes on the property. Also, buy her a good suit and heavy gloves so that she can feel secure if she ever does need to get near the hives. Even if she never wears it, she'll know that you're concerned to protect her and sensitive to her needs. 

I've been married 39 years, so I can say that women don't forget it when they trust someone and get hurt. So you need to be very sensitive and rebuild trust gradually.


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## wfarler (Jul 9, 2003)

beware of any profession that requires a new suit of clothes (Thoreau)

beware of any relationship that requires either one of you change to fit into it (My experience)


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## tecumseh (Apr 26, 2005)

since any number of you dude seem to have more than a bit of problem with the women folk I thought I might add this... enjoy.

Subject: Words Women Use (Advice for men)

A word to the WISE. Remember all this!

Words Women Use...

FINE ~ This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES ~ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING ~ If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside
down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ~ This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) ~ This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH ~ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING.

SOFT SIGH ~ Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY ~ This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO ~ This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth,
so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS ~ A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're welcome."

THANKS A LOT ~ This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh."
Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."


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## Focus on Bees (Mar 6, 2006)

I agree with Kishwaukee. My wife was very nervous near the bees. (I mean like 100yds near)
gradually she got to within thirty feet and thats about it. I don't ask to have her help, and I make sure that I can do everything myself. 
She loves to help when I bring the frames in to get extracted. I'm careful not to have even 1 bee on them. She knows how much I love the "girls" and knows that she can't change it. One thing to understand is to love for who you are, not for who they could be. Goog luck to Ya !!

P.S. I would not try to buy her off.

Just my two cents..


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## Bee Rancher (Sep 11, 2004)

Hey Bill.

Please elaborate on the acronym PLW. Un sure the meaning.


My wife wanted to know.

Thanx,
Hank


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## FordGuy (Jul 10, 2005)

no hobby, boat, car, or amount of money is more valuable than a good woman. 

If my wife had that reaction, I'd give it up in a heartbeat. But to be honest, the middle ground would be that she doesn't have to have any involvement with the bees anymore.


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## wayacoyote (Nov 3, 2003)

Doug,
Will she let you continue the hobby if she's never required to help? 
I agree to the caution regarding "changing for someone". Dr Phil might recommend a compromise here: say, she quits something that she truly enjoys for you. But the true issue probably is something that isn't being said. This is where open and honest communication is warrented. Perhaps it isn't just the horrible experience that worries her. Perhaps she doesn't want them in the yard (you offer to station them elsewhere). Remember, men are from Mars and women from Venus. 
I think Amanda had good insight on not "buying her off."

Lastly, my own words of caution to all: Never assure someone that "nothing will happen." Can we say, "famous last words"? My first year, I needed help moving hives; I only needed a truck-operator to pull the truck out of the way. I got my sister to do it assuring her she wouldn't have to get out. Short of it, a hive toppled over on me. I was able to finish the setup but only after enduring over 100 stings. She had no protective clothing and could only sit and watch. I'm sure it was scary for her. If anything worse had happened (and the possibilities are endless), I would have been putting her in a terrible position. I'm sure Doug knows what I mean by "it made me feel terrible." I should have done my risk assessment better.

Waya


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## Carolina-Family-Farm (Aug 2, 2005)

Go on a month long drunk, quit your job and bass fish for a living but by all means give up the rest of your hopes and dreams so she can have what she wants (I'm sure this will make for a perfect marriage)

"All kidding aside"

God made you the (Head) of the marriage covenant, (someone has to drive the ship) and they never have two captains on a ship. If she tells you what your going to do with your bees now what will stop her from forcing you into giving up other things that are important to you later?

The marriage ship belongs equally to you both but your in charge of setting the coarse and sailing it, make sure when it leaves the dock your heading in the direction you want to go or stay on the dock and search for a new first mate who's willing to allow you to do your job as the captain of the ship God put you in charge of and holds you personally accountable for.

I've been married one time for 20 years to the same girl, we both have hopes and dreams and we make an effort not to get in the way of each others happiness so that (were both happy with our own lives)

Its a working relationship that works.


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## power napper (Apr 2, 2005)

Doug--patience and understanding. If you must get rid of the hives let some one else "board" them for you while you work things out. Maybe, just maybe a nice ovbservation hive will help in this situation. No extracting needs to be done and the learning sessions continue each and every day! When your lover girl starts explaining to your visitors about what is happening in the hive you "got it made". Wishing you the best of luck in whatever you decide.


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## JP (Jul 10, 2005)

Doug,
There is a lot of wisdom here on this forum. Take it all in, but just remember to make the decision you are most comfotable with. Hopefully you and your fiance can come to an amicable solution as to what role honeybees will play in your relationship. If the bees are that important to you, she will come to accept them near or from afar if she truly loves and appreciates all things you.


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## iddee (Jun 21, 2005)

Tell her you concede . You are going to get rid of the bees and start collecting and breeding snakes, lizards, and other reptiles. When she says no to that, start buying motercycle mags and bringing home motorcycle adds. Also, look into home brewing. You will either get her to let you keep the bees, or you will find that the most excitement you will EVER see is a disney movie on tv.


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## BULLSEYE BILL (Oct 2, 2002)

>Please elaborate on the acronym PLW. Un sure the meaning.

Dick thought it meant Previously Loving Wife, HA!, I wish.  Read: Psychotic Lying Who..

My lesson learned was that after 25 years of seemingly blissful happiness, without ever one fight, she changed almost overnight into someone I didn't know anymore. My perfect world turned out to be a life of deception, lies, cheating, and false pretence. In retrospect the true person was found out, and it could not have been worse.

So, like I said, I may not be the one to give the best advise, but if you have to change to make someone else happy, you won't be.

[ March 14, 2006, 10:19 PM: Message edited by: BULLSEYE BILL ]


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## Sundance (Sep 9, 2004)

Don't buy into the capt. line or you are doomed. Find an equal and treat each other with respect and all will be smooth.


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## tecumseh (Apr 26, 2005)

some poor confused soul said...
*snip*
God made you the (Head) of the marriage covenant....The marriage ship belongs equally to you both but your in charge of setting the coarse and sailing..

tecumseh mutters and:
issues a LOUD SIGH...

funny about the ship analogy. on a ship the captain owns you lock stock and boxer shorts. and once on the high seas, can do with you pretty much as he pleases. the X-0 simply enforces that the detail of the day to day running of the ship are tended too. the idea that the captain and the X-0 have equal ownership without equal authority is logically flawed.


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

Thank Goodness this all happened when it did! Can you imagine going through with this after being married, having kids, retirement accounts, splitting everything 80-20 in her favor after the attorneys take thier cut of 40% for the divorce. Her demands, disquised as sincerity is a prelude of much larger demands and pain and suffering on your part. 

Her ER room visit should be remembered with fond memories with many "tales' being told at social events for years to come. The best part of this story would be the ending, with her smiling, and adding something along the lines of "But seeing his passion and love for the bees, I could not of possibly asked him to get rid of them. It only hurt for a few days. Well worth the many years of love and joy that they have given my husband. I would gladly go through it again for my hubby!".

There is another guy who almost died recently after being stung. Even with this danger of death, many have suggested him keeping the bees. He (I assume)is pondering if life is even worth living if it means having no bees. Beekeeping has proven worth dying for, at least in discussions. So your so-called loving other "half", (And all the men out there know it never comes close to half!) was stung a few times. Seems pretty petty to me. Tell her to suck it up. Draw the line. Be a man! Grow some hair and take back that 17 and 18 percent of your manhood. Its a step closer to the 50-50 that many dream of, but never achieve. Whats next, asking you give up the boat, the poker night out with the boys, a few girlfriends, the "toys" parked in the back, nightly back rubs, etc..... If you don't make a stand now, its only going to get worse.

For me, its already useless. No girlfriends anymore. No boat. Only toys for me is "Dora the explorer", and the Wiggle videos, and the other like items.

BTW - Giving advice to others is easy. The hard part for me would giving up the bees for my marriage. But I would do it......


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## Robert Hawkins (May 27, 2005)

My wife just left me after fifteen years. I'm so much better off. If you intend to keep this woman, you need to make some decisions for yourself. What makes her think you need her permission to keep bees? What makes you let her get away with that?

This is your fiance, right? Not you mother? If she asked you to provide her w/ a home free from the bees that frighten her, That makes a lot of sense. After what happened, and it should not have happened, was she wearing perfume? She has a right to bee scared. And a right to live free from a fear of personal injury. No bees in the yard. Outyards only.

You need to view the videos on this site of that German woman working her bees without any protection. Why did your bees attack her? Fast movements? Did she swat at them? We've all had accidents. Debrief. Make sure it doesn't happen again.

Hawk


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## TwT (Aug 5, 2004)

We all could keep telling you anything Doug, but in the end its up to you and what you want to do, your the one that has to do the work either getting rid of the bee's or telling her you are going to keep them,,,,, I like alot of what BjornBee said, I myself wouldn't give up something I like to do, i would want a trade off, I'll give up bee's if she give's up B**ching,,, now thats a trade I would take in a second... but in the end it up to you.......


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## TXBEE (Feb 23, 2006)

In my opinion, there has been some good advice here, but, don't base your choice on the things that are said here. We may give you some ideas, but it is your choice. God did make you the head, but, you should also respect, and listen to what she say. I suggest talking to some people, like parents etc. that you REALLY trust, and see what they say.


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## Dan Williamson (Apr 6, 2004)

My opinion:

A good relationship doesn't put the kinds of demands on someone that she is putting on you. 

Demands like: 

1) Be faithful
2) Be honest
3) Be there for me in sickness and in health
4) Support me (not just financially but emotionally etc.)

etc etc...

those demands are just a part of a normal healthy relationship in my opinion. 

To demand that you discontinue a hobby because she got stung to me is a problem. 

I can understand if she asks you to move them from your home to another location. Fine! That should be no problem out of respect for her fear.

I would talk to her about your concerns and see if you can reach a compromise. (like moving the bees and not asking for her help) If she is unwilling to compromise on this issue, then she will be even more unwilling to compromise on other far more important issues. 

You always see the best of a person before you get married. You see the real deal after you say I do. If it is difficult now it will be tougher later. 

My opinion is that not enough discussion happens before marriage. I was guilty of that myself. WE WERE IN LOOOVVVEEE! We could work thru anything. 

Well, it takes more than love. It takes hard committment because sometimes you don't "feel" much love. 

Talk long and hard with her about a compromise. If she is unwilling...... then I would seriously consider your future in that relationship. Better to find that out now before marriage than after and kids are involved. 

I am happily married and the relationship is built on a give and take NOT demands.

My wife doesn't like the bees either but I also don't ask her to do anything with them. One time I asked her to walk back to the hives with me. She got stung. That was the end of that. She didn't ask me to move the hives away from the house but if she had I would have done it. To have demanded that I give up the bees would have been unfair at the least.

My final comment in a long tirade is this:

You have a choice to make between I do or I don't.
There is more to this issue than just bees.

Just my 2 cents. (Ok I guess its more like 5 cents







)


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## Dougraymen (Feb 14, 2006)

Hi this is Doug. Stacy laid it on thick last night. She told me that she did not want our future kids to get hurt or killed and the same with you. I quote if they attack a kid then what will you do. They might not survive. Or if you move the hives to a remote area and you get attacked. Who will help you? I told her after what happened with you. I now carry sum anti sting. So if anyone around would get attacked no one will get seriously hurt. After a few minuets of silence I told her that I will move the hives to the back corner next to the field and build a chain link fence around them. Then she sad fine, you are as stubborn as you grandfather. Do what ever makes you happy.

On the record, there was not shouting involved. Should I build the fence and wait it out until she fells comfortable with it? Or just move the hives off the property all together.


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## Propolis30 (Aug 25, 2005)

Well I sure wouldn't trade her in for 2 20's. I married a 20 year old 4 years ago and it hasn't worked out to well. In fact I think we're about to be getting a divorce....and all of my bees and equipment are at her Dad's house. 

But I agree. Just move them somewhere else and work them alone.


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## MichaelW (Jun 1, 2005)

"Do what ever makes you happy"

A-ha! you got it bud! 

Just move the hives down to the back corner and talk up building the fence when you get the kids. Or go ahead and build it if you don't want to risk extra discussion. Looks to me you have stood your ground while compromising and your wife has done her part and accepted that its something important to you that "makes you happy" which is something she cares about. I can bring up lots of similar situations in my marriage but I won't. 

Unfortunately all women won't let us do all the sailing, but that can have its advantages at times. The thing is to identify whats important to you and make a stand if needed, she WILL do the same. Most women folk are "liberated" now days. 

Clearly her understanding of risk is unrealistic, and she may recognize that already. 

In addition I would get educated on weather or not she or you are actually allergic. Obtain a perscription for an Epi-pen to have on hand even if/when you find out she isn't. This is a good idea to have one just in case anyway, and on my ever long to-do list. She has put this on your honey-do list which has a higher priority. Address the risk that does exist, but educate her and yourself on what that risk actually is.


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

Oooooo she pulled the FINE on you...  I understand her fears about someone else getting stung, especially if they could have the same reaction that she did. But it sounds like she's been watching too many creepy movies on the SciFi channel! 

Has she seen you working the bees before her incident? Again I think she just needs to get to know the girls more. As someone already mentioned, maybe an observation hive isn't a bad idea. Explain that it takes some provocation or reason for the girls to sting, that when they DO sting, they're sacrificing their life for the good of the hive. What was she doing when her veil dropped? Was she freaked out and swatting at the bees? They don't take well to that kinda treatment...does she understand that she was probably the cause of her incident? I don't mean for that to sound callous, but they as a general rule don't come after you unless they feel you are a threat. 

While she said, "Do whatever makes you happy" I honestly think this whole issue should still be addressed. Sweeping it under the rug by moving your hives or building a fence won't resolve it, and she'll remember the whole problem (believe me, I'm a girl, I know!) for a long time. Good luck!

[ March 15, 2006, 09:32 AM: Message edited by: Amanda2fan ]


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## Janice Lane (Feb 5, 2006)

I would try to find a breeder with really gentle queens. After many years without stings she will start to come around. My husband likes class 5 whitewater kayaking. It seems very dangerous to me but he's had no broken bones so I don't complain. I like SCUBA diving with sharks and playing with thousands of bees. To each their own!


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## Michael Bush (Aug 2, 2002)

I guess I think it's simple. Keep the bees and never ask her to help with the bees again. Buy eight frame medium boxes. Do it all by yourself. I always do.


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## Dan Williamson (Apr 6, 2004)

Sounds to me like she's determined that it isn't in her best interest to continue to demand you get rid of them. She saw that you were willing to do something --- as in a compromise. Move the hives to a back corner and fence them. I would do exactly what you told her you would do. To do more would win you points. To do less would undermine your promise and your credibility.

It is a give and give actually. She gave a little it seems to me and you said you were going to give a little. You've now got to keep up your end of the bargain. 

More advice. Don't insist that she helps in anyway with the bees. Maybe in time she will get used to it but for now I think it best to keep it your own thing.


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## MichaelW (Jun 1, 2005)

If you ever have trouble with the amount of time spent on bees, this goes back to your to-do list priority compared to the honey-do list, work the bees while she's out to the store or whatever and don't mention it. The bees will soon become a distant background thing that you spend 1 weekend every couple of months in the spring and summer working on, instead of an active time consumeing hobby. Works for me!

Remember, moving the bees offsite will increase your "time away from home factor". Save this avaliable time for fishing, camping and such.


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## Jim Williamson (Feb 16, 2006)

I've found it easier to keep bees than keep relationships. 

At least when I get stung by bees I know why.

------------------
Jim Williamson


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## MichaelW (Jun 1, 2005)

"I would do exactly what you told her you would do. To do more would win you points. To do less would undermine your promise and your credibility."

Thats good advice, I've found myself in the credibility hole before, its hard to back out of.

Welcome to married life! Sounds like you got a healthy working relationship.


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

Lets be realistic here.

How about posting a picture. She had better be a knockout with fantastic abilities in very important areas to fullfill any void created by giving up the bees.

I won't even mention the guilt of "future kids". Whats that??? Is that a huge warning of things to come. I'm surprised you haven't mentioned the future mother-in-law at this point.

Personally, she better be pull-out page material from a few mags, or I'd be running in the opposite direction as fast as I could.

Does she have a twin we don't know about that details are lacking? Just how far are you "marrying up" to put up with these unrealistic demands?

If you give up bees, can you get a boat, a new gun, or something else. I already mentioned the twin thing, so can you be creative and come up with any "sister" scenario's??? What's her best friend look like? Come on doug, give us old timers some much needed inspiration....

I would lay down the law, and tell her that there are many women who would love to have you. (I am giving you lots of unforeseen credit) Tell her its "dougster's" way or the highway.

Please keep us informed . At least till this cold snap breaks....

This thread has the potential to rival "delete me" in fun.  Keep up the good work doug....


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

Where's George? Can't make it the epic proportions of "Delete Me" without his seal of approval


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## Dan Williamson (Apr 6, 2004)

>>This thread has the potential to rival "delete me" in fun. Keep up the good work doug....

Well, I know I've read more of this thread than I did the other one so its surpassed its interest to me.


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## Aspera (Aug 1, 2005)

As nearly as I can tell, her complaints seem perfectly reasonable. In your shoes I would offer to 1)make sure she never has to help again and 2) requeen EVERY hive with the gentlest stock available (mayby some cordovans). I wouldn't give up the hive though


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## iddee (Jun 21, 2005)

In all seriousness, if this is possible with 300+ cases of cabin fever, I would join one or more bee clubs and take her to the meetings. Here she will find and talk to other wives and female beekeepers. After a few visits with them and maybe a spring get-together of the club, she will slowly come around ......But you still need to do your part in compromizing until she becomes relaxed with the thought of bees.


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## SilverFox (Apr 25, 2003)

What ever you do, never, never, ever, tell her bees don't sting at night.  
Did she have hair spray in her hair, or some "stink pretty" on?? Either one might have caused the problem.

[ March 15, 2006, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: SilverFox ]


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## Dan Williamson (Apr 6, 2004)

Almost every hive I have is very gentle. However, it doesn't matter whether I was swatting at them, or had anything in my hair or whatever it was that I was doing. My bees aren't real happy when I pull honey especially in a dearth. Keep that in mind!! Doug said that is when she took all these stings. 

I don't know whether there was a flow on or a dearth when Doug harvested the honey but it CAN make a BIG difference in their response. If a hive is packed full of field bees with nothing to do but defend the hive it's gonna be a much tougher job pulling the honey especially if your veil comes off.


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

>Where's George?

Sigh. I was hoping I could avoid weighing in on this thread. Thanks a lot Amanda









Doug, you've certainly gotten a lot of advice. Here's mine. Do what your heart tells you to do. That's the only way you'll end up making the right choice. The right choice will probably suck. Unfortunately, we men aren't used to listening to our hearts, unburdened by rational thought processes and input from other parts of our anatomy. We're just not very good at it.

So dump her. Don't dump her. Find a mutually acceptable compromise. Whatever. Your choice doesn't matter, nor does what I'd do in your situation matter. That you realize that you have a choice and that you make it, and commit to it, and can live with it, now that matters.

When confronted with such weighty and ponderous issues as you now face, I often resort to flipping a coin. The actual outcome of the toss isn't important and I wouldn't suggest for a moment that you decide really important questions based on pure chance, but for some reason, when the coin is in the air, you'll suddenly find yourself hoping which way it will land.

George-


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## sqkcrk (Dec 10, 2005)

Sage advice George. I know some folks who would say requeen. 

Just remember, you can't make someone else happy. 

You've already learned that in this situation it seems like it's her or the bees, right? So, what's next? What else are you willing to give up? What is she willing to give up?

Ideally no one would give up anything.

Maybe you should write Dear Abby. See what she ha to say. Let us know.


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## Michael Bush (Aug 2, 2002)

>Demands like: 
1) Be faithful
2) Be honest...

And don't ask me to get me stung badly by bees...


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## RBar (Jun 22, 2005)

Remember this folks:

Women marry men hoping that, over time, they will change.
Men marry women hoping that, over time, they will not change.
Both get disappointed.


Roy


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## Len (Feb 16, 2006)

I lost a girlfriend over a bee sting! A swarm took up residence in some old equipment next to my house. She accused me of being insensitive and that was that. I am now married to another woman and I have never been happier. I have been on a honeymoon since the day we got married! The last 10 years have been the happiest of my life! No, my wife doesnt work with the bees. However, she supports me in taking time off to be with the girls. My wife is a smart woman!

Women are relationship oriented and men are task oriented. Your finance went out to your bee yard to be with you, not to help you complete a task. Here is my guess on how she feels. You lied to her about getting stung. You were insensitive to her fears and pain. You did not protect her. 

She already has a big emotional investment in you. Can she trust you with her love? Now she is out to test your love for her. She needs to feel secure. How much do you love her? Do you love her enough to give up your bees? 

Compared to women, men are very simple. Give us a place at the table, and a place in bed and we are happy. All we know is how to work. Give us a problem and we will solve it. We are all ego. We love the feeling of accomplishment and conquest. All we see is black and white. Women add color to our lives. Viva la difference! 

A smart woman understands that a man is all about ego. She supports his ego. She never humiliates him in the front of other men. She gives him his time alone with his bees, etc. A woman is a mans equal, and I would add that I think that women are better than men. She is not subservient to a man. However, a smart woman is submissive to a man. She freely supports and encourages a man to be the head of the household, and to pursue his hobbies. 

A man is like a dog. A woman can either choose to make friends with him or to fight with him. If a woman chooses to make friends, a man will faithfully serve her for the rest of his life. Our job, as we see it, is to make her happy. A smart woman strokes a mans ego by telling him that he is successful. Unfortunately, most women are not very smart when it comes to relationships with men. They do not know how to handle a man. 

I sense that your finance is insecure and manipulative. That is a bad combination! You could spend your life trying to please her, only to realize one day that you can never make her happy. How sad! On the other hand, you could go down smiling. She will be like a vine that slowly strangles you. I know such men. I have to ask their wives permission to spend time with their husbands to work on projects. These are controlling women. I usually get tired of asking permission. 

You have a demanding woman. I think that her demands are manipulative, and will eventually cause resentment in you. Ask yourself. Are you happier with her or your bees? There are women who will allow you to pursue your beekeeping hobby.


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

Listen to George. He's got like a hundred and fifty years of experience....


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

If the bees go, whats next. She'll be telling you the dog stinks and that he can't sleep in the bed anymore. I've seen it all before...

Complaining about the roaches. Like they ever hurt anyone.

Crabs....What about them? Well I like scratchin like that. You got a problem???

She'll be telling you the guys can't come over anymore. That the beer cans are smellin up the place.

Like who doesn't where underwear for several days?

Use a knife to scoop out the peanut butter. What for? My fingers will do!

She'll have her toiletries pushing your one deodorant bottle you buy each year, headed straight for the garbage. Including the girlie mags. And bee mags.

It used to be a tool belt. You better get ready for the apron.

It used to be monday night football. Get ready for the golden girls.

It used to be passin gass anywhere you felt like it. Now its the smell of soap bars in your underwear drawer.

Ask George, he'll tell you......


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## kamerrill (Sep 17, 2003)

Great thread!
I won't attempt to give any relationship advice rather, I'll give my 25 cents on the stinging.

I'm a firm believer that certain hair sprays, perfumes, soaps, etc. irritate the hell out of bees. Talc that a barber uses for example. One time after a hair cut, my bees flew into my hair (forgot my b-ball cap) and nailed me in the head and face 30' away from the hives 2-3 seconds after I got out of my truck I went home, washed from head to waist with ivory soap, put on a clean t-shirt, and went back to work those 15 hives in shorts, t-shirt, and b-ball hat (no veil) without another sting. I also can confirm from experience that "prell" seems to be ok as is "aussie regular", but "TresEssema(sp)" and "Equate" dandruff shampoo really light my bees up.

I don't want to touch off a debate about the use of protective equipment (plenty of that on this site already) but rather encourage people to think about the smells we bring into the bee yard on our clothes, skin, hair etc. and how it may affect behavior. I believe it may be the reason for the stinging incident noted in the original post.


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## TwT (Aug 5, 2004)

> Remember this folks:
> 
> Women marry men hoping that, over time, they will change.
> Men marry women hoping that, over time, they will not change.
> Both get disappointed.


Now aint that the TRUTH!!!! Good way to put it


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## BULLSEYE BILL (Oct 2, 2002)

As Tom Arnold said in True Lies, "Women, can't live with them, can't kill em."


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

Hey now, we girls aren't ALL bad









I think there's quite a few future Dr. Phil's in here! Next time I have guy trouble, can I come here??


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## onlygoodSHBisdeadone (Sep 10, 2005)

Hey doug... bee patient. After a few years she'll be sending you out to the bee yard.


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## Grant (Jun 12, 2004)

Wow, I step away from the computer for a couple of days and the thread reaches three pages. I'm not sure what unique things I can that has not already been said, however, here are three points.

1. "Do Whatever Makes You Happy" will NEVER make her happy. Remember, that if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If you move the bees, find a time to work them that does not take time away from her. There is no sense in adding to her resentment. The concept of "quality time" is a perception of the recipient, not the donor.

2. Get counseling BEFORE you get married. Most church pastors do this for free. The pastor who is going to marry you ought to do this anyway. The downside is most pastors are not equipped professionally to handle in-depth issues, but at least they will hear your situation and counseling is a first step. A good pastor knows when to make a referral. And insist that you both go for counseling. If she won't go, that's a pretty good sign the relationship is in trouble. If she won't go, you still should. 

3. Every couple needs a few things to do together, and a few things to do on their own as individuals. If you find something else to do with her, even if it's her hobbies or crafts or spending time with her watching a movie, it will build allowances for you to pursue things she's not interested in.

And lastly, as a bonus, my bees were always my "baby." Then, when I sold enough honey to take my wife on a 7-day cruise, it became "our business."

Funny how that worked out. When she sees the benefits of how it benefits her, she may change her mind. But then again, my wife was never stung like you described.

Grant
Jackson, MO


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## Michael Bush (Aug 2, 2002)

>Hey now, we girls aren't ALL bad 

Not only that, girls are mostly wonderful.


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## Dougraymen (Feb 14, 2006)

Hear is the update
I am almost dun with the fence. It took me a good portion of the day but with other things ate up the rest. When is went inside that night 7:30pm I saw a note on the counter. 

I am spending the night over my mothers tonight. See you tomorrow. Love you. 

Shod I be concerned about this? Sometimes she spends the night over there on random occasions. I do not want to think it is something but what if it is. I am going to buy flowers and put them in a vase with a little I love you bear. I think this will be a nice surprise. I will keep you guys and galls posted.


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## Sundance (Sep 9, 2004)

How old are you Doug??? Time for some direct communication son. Ask her if the note means anything dire. Ask her for options. Ask her if moving the hives will smooth it out.

In short........ Ask her.


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## Luthar (Dec 13, 2005)

Yea, I agree with Sundance on this one. I'm very paranoid when it comes to women doing things like this, but the best thing to do is to ask her what's going on, the best thing is to learn to talk everything out.


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## Jim Williamson (Feb 16, 2006)

Doug, make sure those flowers don't attract a stray bee or two before you hand 'em over. I agree with Sundance about direct communication. I never liked little notes. Too much can be read into them (or left out).


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## MichaelW (Jun 1, 2005)

Len says, "On the other hand, you could go down smiling. She will be like a vine that slowly strangles you. I know such men. I have to ask their wives permission to spend time with their husbands to work on projects. These are controlling women."

Yea, I know such men too, its a sad sight indeed! I mean grow some coconuts already! I think many women have tendencies to be controlling. Len may be a lucky exception. Its up to the man to call "bull". Yes, it leads to fights and spats, but if your relationship is otherwise good, Fights will be resolved and she will appreciate whats important to you. And you will appreciate her concern for you and desire to spend time with you. Too much fighting can end a marriage, as can too much controlling or resentment from giving up things that are important, but I really think most couples struggle with the this issue and find a balance. 

As to a honeymoon since marriage?? Hugh??? thats fantasy land. Consider yourself in a very special and unique situation for that one, you are indeed blessed. I would like to have that, but life situations create stress that affect our marriage. Mostly I guess from raising kids and trying to make a financially healthy and decent home for my family. 

..hmmm the more I think about it, I suppose in some ways our marriage is just like our honeymoon after all. We canoed in a beautiful wilderness, our child was in her belly. We camped on an Island. But, at night we had wild hogs exploring the perimiter of our camp. If you've never seen a Smokey Mountain Russian Boer, its a seriously intimidateing sight. This sow was a least 350 pounds if she was an ounce. Her piglets were cute, but this added to the stress that she might hurt our family unit. I finally quite trying to chase them off and we went to bed. Later that night the huge sow was sniffing at my head through the tent. exterior STRESS!, but everything was fine, they rooted around and left us alone. Perhapse thats a lesson....

I've noticed these girfriend/wife threads get lots of attention! Ah, its a threat to beekeeping as bad as varroa, hive beetles, and AHB. But with perserverience the beekeeper can prevail! And look at the education Amanda is recieveing!

[ March 16, 2006, 08:35 AM: Message edited by: MichaelW ]


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## Dan Williamson (Apr 6, 2004)

>>And don't ask me to get me stung badly by bees...

How did I forget the most obvious.  

>>I'm very paranoid when it comes to women doing things like this, 

I guess that is why I've been accused of not caring. I don't worry about stuff like that. I don't want more read into what I do and say than is really there so I don't worry about it. Admittedly, compassion isn't one of my strengths in my relationships Doug, but I think you worry too much. 

My attitude has always been: If you have a problem with me tell me about it and we can try to work through it together. If you don't tell me you have a problem with me then it's your problem not mine. Then everybody knows where they stand.


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

>>And look at the education Amanda is recieveing!


Oh yeah, definitely taking some notes here...


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

>Ask George, he'll tell you......

Hey Bjorn, I'm right behind you on this, just as far behind you as I can get. Rarely have I been in such close agreement with you on anything unrelated to beekeeping! It probably won't happen again for a while, but on this topic, we're on the same (blank) page! We're two men with one brain! We see eye to eye! I thought your first post was right on- my first reaction was that like, well, this gal better be one Hot Ticket. This of course is a totally superficial, sexist, and selfish point of view, but then again, we're men, right?

>Hey now, we girls aren't ALL bad

The badder the better









>I think there's quite a few future Dr. Phil's in here!

What, you mean middle-aged overweight balding opinionated pompous blow-hards? Need relationship help? Sure!!! Come on down!!! We can't manage our own very well but we'll be happy to tell you what's wrong with yours!

For the record, I'm not overweight, nor balding. Dunno about Bjorn.

George-


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

I could've said "Future Dear Abby's" but I was doing my part to uphold the male ego's in here


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## db_land (Aug 29, 2003)

Hey Doug, just increase your life insurance policy and show her how well off she'll be if the bees take you out -- she might even want you to get more bees.


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## John Seets (Jan 9, 2003)

Doug;

My advice: Ditch her now before its too late. You won't regret it. You may not want to - but do it anyway. Lots 'o fish in the sea!

BjornBee: Your posts on this thread are priceless. Thank you!

I think Len's post was the best on this thread.


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## Jim Fischer (Jan 5, 2001)

> The rubber band part of the top of the veal 
> snapped off causing the veal to fall down 
> leaving her face exposed. She experienced 
> countless stings and a night in the ER.

By the same logic, would a single car accident 
prompt her to demand that you give up driving?

Would a serious cut or burn prompt her to demand
that you give up cooking?

What about a fall down the stairs? Does that
mean sell the house, and buy a one-story home?

What you had was defective safety equipment
and poor honey-harvesting techniques that 
resulted in a lot of defensive flying bees.
That's your fault. You did not keep her safe,
even though you said she would be safe. This
scared her - she is apparently assuming that 
this can happen again without warning any time
she goes out in the yard. Time for some
education about how, why, and when bees get
defensive.

But aside from declining to help you with
the bees ever again, I don't think it is 
reasonable for her to demand that you stop
keeping bees. Demanding that you move the 
hives would be more "reasonable".

_Shameless plug_ - If you had used Bee-Quick, there
wouldn't have been defensive bees flying around
in the first place!


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## kc in wv (Feb 1, 2006)

You could counter by demanding that she give up a hobby that she really enjoys like shopping, running, you get the idea.


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

>I was doing my part to uphold the male ego's in here

Thanks Amanda, you're a good woman but that's unnecessary. The male egos in here are fine, they don't need upholding, they need deflating









In other words, take your best shot









>BjornBee: Your posts on this thread are priceless.

About what I'd pay for his relationship advice









>“I am spending the night over my mothers tonight.

Dood, you're in trouble. The only worse trouble you could be in is if you left HER a note saying you were spending the night over at YOUR mothers tonight.


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

Now the poor guy has the dreaded MIL to deal with too....maybe he should just cut his losses....  

>>The male egos in here are fine, they don't need upholding, they need deflating<<

OK, remember then, we girls just put up with you guys. Look to the bees, they're the perfect role model for us...the girls kick the men out because they get tired of 'em eating everything, sitting in their recliners watching football and hollering for more Miller.


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## Dan Williamson (Apr 6, 2004)

Jim said,

>>By the same logic...

and 

>>I don't think it is reasonable...

My experience with women (limited to 4 sisters, a mother, and my wife of nearly 9 years) is that most women (sorry amanda) initially react with very little logic and very little reason. They tend to react from an emotional standpoint first. It is tough for most of us guys to understand but it helps to balance most of us un-emotional males. 

Give her some time and education. Bee patient. If she truly loves and cares about you she will be willing to attempt to see it from your viewpoint. Doesn't mean she will. 

Jim makes excellent points.

Just because you get food poisoning doesn't mean you shouldn't ever eat again.

Just because you got the flu from someone you came into contact with doesn't mean you need to shun people and live the life of solitude in order to avoid "catching something"

Just another 5 cents from someone who will probably never really understand women.  (I think I'm almost up to 25 cents now.)

God made us different for a reason. I'm just still trying to figure out what that reason is. 

[ March 16, 2006, 11:24 AM: Message edited by: Dan Williamson ]


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## Dick Allen (Sep 4, 2004)

Doug, maybe this will offer some more insight:

http://home.att.net/~doctordialtone/men1.htm


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

>Now the poor guy has the dreaded MIL to deal with too....

Yup.

>OK, remember then, we girls just put up with you guys.

I can do better than that Amanda. Put some *sting* in it


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## MichaelW (Jun 1, 2005)

"...initially react with very little logic and very little reason. They tend to react from an emotional standpoint first."

Ding, Ding, Ding. We have a winner!


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

>>I can do better than that Amanda. Put some *sting* in it

*Sigh* Well, I'm feeling a little outnumbered right now...let me know if that's reacting too emotionally for everyone


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## SilverFox (Apr 25, 2003)

One reason the female logic is different from males (so I've been told, by my wife) is that men think with one side of their brain at a time and women can think with both sides at the same time.
Go Figure.


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## ScadsOBees (Oct 2, 2003)

The fact that you are asking a bunch of beekeepers opinions about relationships tells me that you and her have a problem in the first place.

Is this a female/male issue? I think only partly.

Your girlfreind probably has a fear bordering on phobia of bees now. You had to persuade her in the first place, and the worst possible happened. If it happened that I was helping my wife the first time with her beekeeping and I got stung like that, I'd probably respond similar to how your girlfreind is. (would you still buy a motorcyle if the first time you ever drove one you laid it down and messed up your leg? I wouldn't.)

Is a fear like that rational? Certainly not from any of our points of view. I have hives in the backyard and 5 kids aging from 1 - 9, I don't see a problem with bees.

But from a non-beeks point of view it probably is. Bees scare people. I have a lot of people who think I'm crazy to have bees (until I set them straight and educate hey that ryhmes!!)

What you need is not the opinions of all of us beekeepers, but you need some pre-marriage counselling, if you aren't getting that already. Is this just an episode with her or is this what she does with other stuff? She's worried that if it happened to her it could happen to you. A counselor could help both see the other side of things. You're at an impasse'...she can't see through her fear, and you can't see through your love of your hobby. It is easy to say that the other party is acting irrationally (I do that all the time, ask my wife...she says I'm the most stubborn ... that she's ever met, and yes we fight about my hobbies, including beekeeping but I love her and would give up my bees first but not without a fight)

Does it have to be all or nothing? Personally I'd shoot for an agreement where I get a year or so to keep them and prove that they aren't aggressive, and if something bad happens in the meantime then they'd go. But this is your situation, not mine.

-Rick

PS Doug, I apologize if I've projected some of the other opinions portrayed in this thread by other onto you.

[ March 16, 2006, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: ScadsOBees ]


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## Craig W. (Feb 26, 2006)

Amanda,
That's OK as long as I don't have to "Hold You."

LOL,
Craig


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

BINGO! BINGO! BINGO!

WE HAVE A WINNER!

Congratulations Scads. I was wondering if anyone was going to comment. You did...
> "The fact that you are asking a bunch of beekeepers opinions about relationships tells me that you and her have a problem in the first place."

And it has nothing to do with bees.
I don't want to jump too hard on anyone seeking help from others, but I'll go out on a limb and suggest that anyone with this kind of problem, with the need to discuss with "strangers" problems of this magnitude, and the apparent lack of communication and maturity to deal with it in-house, may not be ready for marriage. Life(marriage) is full of this sort of stuff. This is, or at least should be a minor "discussion" and should be a give and take or some compromise in which it is settled quickly.

I wish you all the best. I hope you have the insight to see through my earlier posts that were for mere entertainment value. Now that someone has clearly commented as scads did, the bigger issure of communication, the understanding and maturity of marriage, and what it takes to not get married, but keep the marriage together, can be focused upon. I do not know you from the next guy on this site. But without sounding too down, I think you and her need to evaluate your lives and marriage position.

Of course, all this could be idle conversation brought about by spring fever, and truly do hope it is. I wish the best to you.


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

>*Sigh* Well, I'm feeling a little outnumbered right now...

Ah. The emotionally vulnerable gambit. Very nice. Very nice. We men are real suckers for that one







The problem is, you women keep what's bothering you pent up inside until one day you snap and bite some poor unsuspecting man's head off and we of course claim we've been blind-sided. Isn't that the way it happens?


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

>>That's OK as long as I don't have to "Hold You."

No, you don't. My good friends Ben and Jerry do that quite nicely, while I go curl up and watch Pride and Prejudice and The Notebook.  Which, BTW, I can't stand, but they seem to fit in with our discussion  

>>Isn't that the way it happens?

Of course! It's only in keeping with our emotional and irrational reputations...


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

George, slow down. Your in-sight and knowledge of "women" is really starting to make me wonder about you. Perhaps there is a little more "women" inside you than I thought. I know the winters in Maine are long, but for goodness sake, grab ahold of yourself.....


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

He does have quite a few pink hives...


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## GeeBeeNC (Aug 23, 2005)

_grab ahold of yourself..... _

No, George, if you are as suave as the posts here indicate, you should be able to find someone else to do that for you especially in Maine on a cold night!

[ March 16, 2006, 01:53 PM: Message edited by: GeeBeeNC ]


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

GeeBeeNC says "...Someone..."??? Leaving the door open a bit I suppose. But if two cowboys in the mid-west are willing, I guess two loggers from maine.....


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## SilverFox (Apr 25, 2003)

To quote Monty Python "He's A Lumberjack And Thats OK"


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

I guess I better be good. George will be up from his afternoon nap soon...


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

What time is "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" on?


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

I have absolutely no idea what your talking about.


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## clintonbemrose (Oct 23, 2001)

My wife has discovered that bees do not like Pantine products and when she uses them the bees find a way to get her. She has 10 hives of her own so she doesn't use pantine products any more.
Clint


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

>>I have absolutely no idea what your talking about.

Hmmmm...nevermind then....  

I'm glad my mom quit using Pantene products then...she's never minded the bees at all, but I think she might if she had them in her hair LOL 

I wonder if the crankiness coming from scents goes by each individual hive? Or if as a whole they ALL don't like Pantene products or Equate shampoo or whatever...


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

>I guess I better be good. George will be up from his afternoon nap soon...

Hehehe...

Go ahead, laugh it up you hams! I am confident in my masculinity and I don't have to defend it. Frankly, I think you guys are just jealous









It takes a real man to paint his bee hives pink.

Deja vu... I think I've written this message before..


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

I'm not sure Amanda, but I think George just called you a pig!


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

Bjorn, you are a natural born trouble maker!


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

If I look hard enough I'm sure I CAN find an insult in there...ah well...just have to keep those feelings pent up too...when I bite some poor unsuspecting man's head off, I'll tell him to come to you.


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## George Fergusson (May 19, 2005)

. . o O ( Phew... dodged a bullet... )


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## Luthar (Dec 13, 2005)

*falls* I didn't!

All this information is good and all, but the best way to deal with a girlfriend...(beings i'm not married) is just to straight up talk to them face to face. The main way to go about solving problems now, will...hopefully help you in the long run. If she isn't willing to settle for what you want..she isn't worth. One who loves you, will(should) accept you for who you are, and not force you to change.

Now....I ain't a ham...but i like ham!


+++++++

I made it 5 pages! *dances* go me!

[ March 16, 2006, 05:15 PM: Message edited by: Luthar ]


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## Dougraymen (Feb 14, 2006)

Hey this is Doug again. I have finished the fence today and ordered a Caution Killer bees sign off of eBay just as a joke to put on the fence. And she liked the flowers I left for her. Stacy and I talked long and hard just ten minuets ago about my hobby and how I can keep it. I will let her tell you what she was concerned about.
Hi this Stacy. Wow did this turn into a topic. I am very surprised for finding out just today. On the other hand I will let Doug keep his beekeeping hobby. I saw how hard he is willing to work to keep them. Hell he put up a 6ft high chain linked fence around the hives. I told him that I do not want anything to do with the bees. But now he can not make fun of my hobby. O and I was over my moms house last night; doing the last arrangements for our wedding. It is the eighth of April. I was not mad at him just irritated. I do not want anything to happen to him or our future children. Thanks for letting me tell my half of the story.
This is Doug again. I am happy to keep my hobby but part of the agreement is that I have to keep them in the fence at all times. And she wants me to paint one pink like George Fergussons. I hope she was joking.


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## Dougraymen (Feb 14, 2006)

Now I just have to get her to let me buy a motorcycle.


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## Jim Williamson (Feb 16, 2006)

'at a girl! Congratulations, Doug and best wishes to Stacy.

Oh, and Doug ... just paint pink the sides of the hives that face the house.


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## Jim Williamson (Feb 16, 2006)

Another thing, Doug.  I don't think that chain link is going to do much good keeping your bees corralled.


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## Dougraymen (Feb 14, 2006)

Why not? I chose chain linked because all of the holes in it. I would not think that would effect anything.


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## honeyman46408 (Feb 14, 2003)

The BEES will fly over the fence


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## iddee (Jun 21, 2005)

Hi, Stacy, and welcome...

As I said in an earlier post, go with him to bee club meetings and get-togethers and you will find that, little by little, as you learn about them, you will lose your fear of them. Just think about my poor wife and what she has been through. I have raised hundreds and thousands of rats and mice. I have raised snakes and lizards. I have had as high as 20 aquariums in the house when I raised tropical fish. I buy and sell farm tractors when I have never had a farm. I could go on and on. We have been married nearly 39 years. She is a saint. She would have to be to put up with me and all my "hobbies".


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## SilverFox (Apr 25, 2003)

Honeyman46408---CHAIN LINK (think 2x2 inch opening)---they'll just fly through it.
Doug good for both of you maybe there'll be little "Dougs" in bee suits running amok around the fence---or it--maybe you'll move the bees out for the kids. Can you put a padlock on the gate??  WC Fields would haved loved it--kids in a pen--.

[ March 16, 2006, 08:47 PM: Message edited by: SilverFox ]


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## Aspera (Aug 1, 2005)

Congrats and blessings. You might want to look up the origins of the word "honeymoon"


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## honeyman46408 (Feb 14, 2003)

""Honeyman46408---CHAIN LINK (think 2x2 inch opening)---they'll just fly through it.""

NOT----Look and SEE


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## Luthar (Dec 13, 2005)

Congrats Doug and Stacey, i'm glad the you were able to work out this problem, and that it didn't turn out into such a huge...mess i guess. Well, best wishes to you, and your future family!


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## Michael Bush (Aug 2, 2002)

A solid fence (which can be added to the chain link by buying those things that thread through the chain link) will cause the bees to fly up to clear the fence. Once they have reached altitude they stay there until they approach their destination. This is a common practice with hives in town, to provide an incentive for the bees to be above peoples head so the tired field bees don't run into people, as they otherwise might. Of course the tired field bees aren't prone to sting usually, but still it makes people nervous when the bees run into them.


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## Amanda2fan (Aug 14, 2005)

Congratulations you guys!!! Glad to hear everything worked out for you, and best wishes on your marriage.


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## Grant (Jun 12, 2004)

"Congratulations Scads. I was wondering if anyone was going to comment."

Go back to page 3. This was my advice but it seems to be lost in the massive response this subject has generated.

I agree. Get pre-marital counseling. This column is about beekeeping. Most people respond that they cannot afford counseling (translation: they don't want counseling). That's why I suggested a pastor. Even if you are not religious, even if you don't belong to a church, a pastor worth his/her salt will at least give you a free session. 

Start with the Presbyterian and the Methodist pastors. It's been my experience that they're more open to strangers than other denominations.

Grant
Jackson, MO


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

Sorry Grant. I stand corrected. I guess I should go back and slap scads for ripping you off and repeating comments already made. That scads is a trouble maker...


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## divebee (Mar 15, 2006)

Keep the bees and keep her too. Women always want a challenge, and their challenge is to change you. If they ever succeed in their challenge, they will get bored with you and lose interest. Only a thought.. Maybe not so in your case. In any event get good beesuits to protect you and her if she's ever willing to go back to a hive. No reason to ever let such a thing occur.
If they are really that aggressive a bee (ahb altered ? yikes) , give them all a bath/shower with soapy water and start a new hive. Maybe she would like to help with that? (This would kill the bees).


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## JP (Jul 10, 2005)

In the near future I think I will title a post, " trouble with my girlfriends " seeing how much play this thread generated. Hee Hee, Wee, Har Har!


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## Joel (Mar 3, 2005)

Of course anyone who has been married for any number of years will tell you are looking at this post all wrong. The title should be "The problem with me". The correct response is "Yes Dear", I will be selling these hives to a good friend and as soon as he is trained in the art of beekeeping I will be done. After several years she will ask how long it takes to teach someone to keep bees and you, by then having won her heart, mind and soul will respond by telling her 2 or 3 years for most but this friend is a slow learner and maybe, being the considerate friend you are you should let him off the hook and just buy the bees back. Of course make sure she is distracted during the CNN stories about water board folks in Florida beeing stung to edge of death!


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## TX Ashurst (May 31, 2005)

This has been an intertaining thread. I debated about weighing in and finally succumbed.

My bona fides: I've been married to the same woman for 35 years







never wandered, raised 6 neat young people (no longer kids) and still love to spend time with my wife as long as we aren't discussing what I do wrong, which is almost all the time.

My opinions: There's been a lot of really bad advice thrown in here (like dump her, or you are not ready for marriage) that I hope was offered in a humorous vein. Forget about it. All of us who are married, married a woman for all the wrong reasons, and if we were lucky enough to marry up (as I did) we've had a good run. The only thing really important is to build a relationship that is satisfying to BOTH of YOU and none of us have a clue what that relationship will be. Do your best, and enjoy life.

The fact that she read this thread and gave a nice, friendly response to it is a great sign that you have an understanding girl there. It sounds like she's ahead of all of us as far as working things out.  

One other comment: I have noticed a trend. It took me about 30 years to figure this out, too. When my wife and I have an argument, I am almost always the one who eventually admits to being wrong, usually because I was wrong all along, but sometimes because I realize we both have a valid point of view and I want to end the argument. My wife is MUCH better at arguing than I am, which is why I'm "stubborn" and she's "right".


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

Marrying up is not hard to do. Keeping her convinced that she did the same is a little harder...


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## Sundance (Sep 9, 2004)

Ahhhhh the power of communication. Works most the time for sure.

Put solid fence up on the house side, or perhaps all sides. Offset so air can flow through.


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

Bruce, isolation and seperation is one of the steps of an abusive partner in manipulation....


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## Sundance (Sep 9, 2004)

And how do you know????  No dark secrets are there?? lol


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## BjornBee (Feb 7, 2003)

I married a Dane. No in-laws except for a couple times a year. Her friends she grew up with are in Denmark. It is amazing how many problems I don't have.....  Now thats isolation! 

If your going to do it, do it right!


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## Ann (Feb 18, 2006)

I found this thread last night, and have just read what was added today - this thread is an amazing glimpse into the male psyche. I know, I know, men don't understand women, but for those of us women who really do want to understand men, this thread is a must read. I've laughed my head off and also read some really neat from-the-heart posts. Thank you for all of it, it's great!


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## Rob (Mar 29, 2005)

Hey Doug 3 days have gone by and you've not got back to us,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Are you still alive??????? 
I hope this topic didn't coincide with her PMT or you really are in trouble.

Anyway here's my solution,
Calmly and kindly explain to her that if she really loved you she wouldn't ask you to give up the bees (Time us blokes gave them a taste of there own medicine), then after this get yourself of to town and find a drop dead gorgeous blonde haired beauty and pay her kindly to help you with your hives.
As soon as your girlfriend sees your new "helper" you can bet your bottom dollar that she will want to be with you every time you open your hives, therefore with time killing her fear of bees and not having a problem with you keeping bees









On the other hand she might just decide to give you a John Wayne Bobbit so technically speaking could be a high risk strategy.


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## dickm (May 19, 2002)

The family therapist in me just woke up. There's always 2 dimensions to the problem. The content: Bee keeping...and the "Process": How do we make a decision? Settling the bee part of it is easy. Put the bees far away and the wife never goes near. The rest of it was the true problem. Who decides and how? How do we share power? Who gets the upper hand? If you truly ended with no resentments it sounded like a great dry run for marriage. It was never about the bees.

Dick Marron


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